A Good Monday

Mondays are not typically my favorite days. It is hard to get back into the swing of things with work and school after a relaxing weekend or a weekend away, but today was a good Monday! Brooklyn did great during her echocardiogram & blood tests at the lab. Then we met with the doctor and he let us know that all of Brooklyn's test results looked good - just as they expected they would. She is now considered to be in remission! It is crazy to me that they use that word already when she still has so much more treatment ahead of her. When I think of remission, I think cured/done/over. I guess I never accurately understood the word before now, but even if I didn't clearly know what it meant, it is a great word to hear, and it does mean that she is on her way to healing and being cured and done with this disease! Mike and I picked up the other kids after school and we all went to lunch with my dad. It was the first time we had all gone out together since this all started a month ago. It did remind me that it is not particularly easy to go to a restaurant with four kids, so maybe it has been okay that we've been eating at home every day! We had a great time though, and it was so fun to see everyone having fun and enjoying some time out of the house. We got a little crazy when we got home. They installed our diving board today and Mike had been saying that he was going to jump in the pool as soon as the diving board went in, so I reminded him of that at lunch. I am so nice. :) When the kids heard that he was going to go in the pool, they wanted to too. And yes, I know that it basically snowed here just 3 days ago and that it was only in the 50s today and that it wasn't the smartest thing to do, but sometimes you just have to get a little crazy. So, the kids got on their suits and Mike did a flip off the diving board! The total time that everyone was in the pool was maybe a minute and a half - combined. :) And, of course I couldn't go in - I had to be in charge of pictures and getting the towels ready - I want nothing to do with that cold water! Brooklyn gets the whole week off from taking any drugs or chemo & we are looking forward to it! Next week she starts back up and will have a spinal tap every Tuesday for the next three weeks. Ugh. But, the bright side is that we got moved to Tuesdays so she will be able to have a morning appointment and not have to wait so long to eat. I was talking to a friend tonight and she said, when Brooklyn gets to be old and writes a memoir of her life, this will be such a small part. It is kind of a cool thing to think about. It seems to be taking over our lives now, but I know we will get past it and hopefully she really won't remember much from this time. But we do know that our lives will be forever changed and we will look at cancer differently and be more compassionate and helpful to others going through this journey.

Feeling better

We had a really good weekend. Brooklyn seemed to feel so much better. I don't know if it is just because she is off the steroids or because her stitches are out or what, but she is definitely feeling better. She is smiling and laughing more and it makes us so happy to see her that way. Saturday, she was up and walking around right away which thrilled me because I was worried about how she would feel after her surgery and everything on Friday. Mike and Braden went over to the park with our friends Mike and Jake to take some BP and practice some pitching & throwing and after they left, Brooklyn said, "Maybe me want to go to the park." I was so surprised b/c when I had asked her earlier in the day if she wanted to go, she said "No, probably still snow on the park." :) I got the other girls dressed really fast, and we got out of the house before she changed her mind. It was so awesome to be at the park all together in the beautiful sunshine & see her laughing and smiling. She didn't want to play on the playground, she just sat on the ball bucket and watched the boys hitting and fielding & ate sunflower seeds. It was great. Today she ran around and played with her brother and sister for a little while, but was a little more tired than yesterday. I am happy to report that we have moved on to watching movies besides Monsters Inc.! Yea! And soon I am hoping that she is feeling up to going out to play for longer periods of time. We go tomorrow morning at 8:00 for an eckocardiogram and then we meet with her Oncologist to get the preliminary results from her surgery and the road map for the next part of her treatment. It is so crazy to see how dramatically the drugs have affected her in just a month - she has gained 10 pounds and her hair is thinning so much. Mike and I were talking at dinner tonight and I said, I can't believe this is our reality now. I feel like we are adapting pretty well, but it is astonishing how different life can be from one month to the next. Our prayer for tomorrow is that the leukemia is mostly eliminated from her blood and that it is not in her spinal fluid and that the next treatment path will be easier for her. She slept through the night last night, so hopefully that will continue!! Sleepy nights and smiley days are such a great combo!

Surgery Success

Brooklyn (and I) woke up about 2:00am this morning so she could eat, which was good b/c I wanted her to be able to eat before her 5:00am cutoff time. The next time she woke up, it was rough. She got up at 6:30 and immediately asked for 'pantakes and tyrup'. It was so hard to not be able to give her anything. I kept trying to convince her to drink some juice so that her belly would get a little filled up, but she mostly just wanted to eat. She kept switching what she was asking for, thinking (I think) that maybe then I would let her eat something. Cereal, pizza, Cheetos, peanuts - it was so hard to keep saying no to her when she would say "Please me eat Momma, pretty pretty please." We got to the hospital about 12:00 and she was so good. She was definitely hungry, but she handled it really well. Mike and I went in to watch the surgery again & it was so much better than last time. The anesthesiologist was able to give her a little more sedative this time (since the results of her heart monitor were fine) so she stayed still the entire time during the surgery, which made it easier for the doctor to get the sample from her spine and her bone marrow. It was rough watching the doctor push the big needle thing into her bone in her hip. It was a huge blessing then that the pediatric surgeon was available and came to look at her Broviak site. It has been bothering Brooklyn for awhile and the stitches were starting to grow into her skin and it seemed to be getting irritated if not infected. I really wanted them to take the stitches out today while she was "out" during the surgery anyway, but no one was sure if they would be able to or not - they usually like to wait until 6 weeks. The surgeon did take them out, so I am hoping that it is a lot less irritating for her now. She did great coming out of the anesthesia but cried on the table until we could leave - she was so hungry! As soon as they said we could leave, we whisked her up and gave her the bag of Cheetos we brought. Her little orange face was so happy. When we got home it was hailing so much that it was like snow all over the backyard. It was so much fun! The older kids had a "snowball" fight. :) Brooklyn ate some pizza when we got home, and then had some pancakes and syrup & then just wanted to go to bed. She is pretty worn out from her big day. We are so pleased with how well the surgery went and what a good job she did. We meet with the Oncologist on Monday morning and he should have the preliminary results from the tests today and give us the next path for Brooklyn's treatment. Thank you for all of the prayers, I know that they helped our day go so well.

Another Big Day

So, tomorrow is another surgery for Brooklyn. She is having another spinal tap and bone marrow biopsy to see how well the chemo has killed off the Leukemia over the last month. The hardest part will be the fact that she can't eat again. Her surgery isn't until 1:00, which means that she can't have any food after 5:00am and nothing to drink after 9:00am. The last time she had to wait all day to eat, it was so hard for her, and that was before she really got into the whole steroid eating thing. So, I am thinking that it will not be a fun morning tomorrow. She may show the people in the waiting room exactly what a 'roid rage really looks like. :)  I am sure we will be up in a few hours for a snack, but if she happens to sleep, I think I will try to wake her up at some point so she can fill her belly up a little before the long wait. I am also nervous because the bone marrow biopsy is painful. The last time she had it she didn't want to walk for 2 days and it hurt every time we changed her diaper because the incision site is right on her diaper line. Our nurse said it shouldn't be as painful this time, so we are hoping that it won't be. It is funny to see the way that God protects and provides for us even in situations we aren't expecting it. We were discussing our plans for tomorrow, and who would pick up the kids from school and when we would leave for the hospital, and Kayla asked if she would be at school while we were at the hospital. I told her she would still be at school, but then I thought - how weird is it that she just asks that question like it is no big deal. But do I want her to know it is a big deal? Do I want her to know that cancer and chemo and surgery and infections are all a huge deal and are the center of what we are thinking about right now? Or am I happy that she doesn't think of it as anything more than a place that we have to go sometimes? Somewhere where she likes to get food from the cafeteria and play in the playroom on the children's floor. It was such a simple question, but it made me reflect on how God protects us from things that we do not need to worry about. Kayla doesn't need to worry about everything that Brooklyn is going through, she just needs to be a kid. And, if we are going to say that, then we don't need to worry about what Brooklyn is going through either because we are God's children and He doesn't want us to worry about things that we can't control. He has a plan and He will take care of our precious little girl. Please pray for her doctors tomorrow and how her heart reacts during the surgery and for her appetite to be small until she can eat. :)

Good ol' Boy Scouts

I will be the first to say that I am a big girl scout cookie fan, they even have that ice cream now with girl scout cookies in it. I even was a girl scout for a few years when I was little. But, crazily enough, I think as moms, we can identify with the Boy Scout motto - Be Prepared. Why do I know that's the boy scout motto? I don't know, but for some reason I do! If you think about it, you make sure your diaper bag is packed with diapers, wipes, ointment, snacks, toys, bandaids, anything that you might need - just in case. Whenever we go on long car trips, I even make sure that we have plastic bags in the car, just in case someone all of a sudden feels sick, because you know it is not fun to ride in a car with the smell of throw up! Now I am living my days making sure that I am prepared with the food that Brooklyn might want at any hour of the day! I blew it yesterday and was of pancakes when she woke up at midnight. And although I tried to convince her that frozen waffles would be delicious, there is really no reasoning with a two year old on steroids. So, we were up and I made an awesome batch of pancakes for her. :)  She followed those up with Cheetos and then some pizza of course. I was thrilled to go back to bed a little before 2:00am. She didn't feel good again today. One would think it was from the midnight snacking, but I think what it really is is after a month of so much poking and prodding and drugs and yuckiness, it is all just catching up with her. It makes me sad, but when she is feeling really bad, she just wants to go lay in her bed. It's like she can't get comfortable enough on the couch, & she just needs to curl up under her covers. I know it is good for her to rest, but I hate the fact that she is feeling so bad. We did go outside for a little while today to enjoy the sunshine, but she has a hard time getting comfortable; she doesn't want to walk or sit on a chair or on the ground. She enjoyed petting the neighbor's dog for a few minutes, so that was fun. I think as a mom, the hard part of this whole process is that you can't really be prepared for how she is going to feel because you never know how that will be. It's all new, and everyone reacts differently to the cancer and to the medication, so it is hard to "be prepared" when what is wrong with her is something that I can't fix. We had a pretty good day even though she didn't feel well. She had the medicine put in her lines, so tomorrow she should be able to have her blood drawn. Hopefully we will all sleep well tonight...but I do have some extra pancakes and pizza on hand just in case.

Cancer Sucks

My poor little Brookie had a rough one today. Our home nurse came by this morning to draw blood for her regular blood counts, but she couldn't get any because the steroid that she is on can do something to her broviak tube which prevents them from being able to draw any blood. So, now she has to get some kind of medicine put into her tubes tomorrow to clear them out. Apparently it is okay, not something they are worried about, but just another thing that is annoying and is more for her to have to go through. We went to pick up Braden from school, and she was fine, but after we got home, she started throwing up. It was really weird b/c she hasn't been sick much at all and it was so hard to see her feeling so bad. She wanted to take a nap then, but after waking up from her nap, she had diarrhea so her bottom was really sore. I told her we should take a bath so she would feel better, but she cried the whole time. Then after her bath, I had to get all her snarls out of her hair, which just made so much hair come out in my brush; it didn't bother her at all though. After she has a bath or gets wet, we have to change her dressing over her broviak tube to ensure that no bacteria is getting in there. She hates to change it b/c it hurts to peel the tape off and the cleaning product kind of stings her. She always yells that she wants the tape back on, so it seems like it is comforting to have the pressure of the tape on there. I told her that we had to change her dressing since she had taken a bath & she just kept saying, "Please Mommy, don't change my dressing, please Mommy, please." It was heartbreaking. We did it really quickly and she was great with it. She pretty much just laid on the couch the rest of the day and was happy to watch a movie. She didn't get sick anymore, so that was good. It is weird that you can be so mad at a disease or infection. I hate that it is making her so sick & making her feel so terrible & making her whole body look and feel so different. I wish I could just make it all go away. We only have 3 more days of the intense steroids, so hopefully after that she will start to feel a little better and have more energy. Thank you for continuing to pray for Brooklyn.

My Little Cheeto Pizzaball

We had a good weekend. It was nice that we had the extra day off today to just hang out together as a family. Mike and I got to go out to dinner by ourselves last night and it was so nice to just get out on our own for a little while. Brooklyn hasn't felt very good for most of the weekend. She mostly wants to lay on the couch & watch movies. One day we had a tea party with Kayla & one day we had a scavenger hunt in the house, but she gets tired after just a little while of walking around and wants to lay down again. She has just recently been hating her medicine more than ever. It tastes terrible, but she has always been so good at knowing that she has to take it & just choking it down. This weekend she cried more than usual and tried to run away each time she had to take it. It was so sad. The doctor said that the medicine she is on now could make her hair thin, but she probably won't lose it for a few more months. We really haven't noticed any difference with her hair until this weekend. Now, when she gets up from the couch, there is hair all over the pillow, or if we hold her, we get hair on our clothes. I haven't been too upset about it yet because it is something that I know is going to happen at some point, but it is just a reminder when we see the hair of the havoc the drugs and the cancer are causing her little body & that makes me sad. She has been so into pizza & cheetos lately, she has permanent orange fingers! Her face is so round and her belly seems stretched to the max - I compared it to my belly when I was pregnant - her belly button is pushed out so it's flat & the skin is so tight. We only have one more week of the steroids twice a day, so then hopefully she won't be waking up every night to eat and she will get back to looking like our little Brookie. We are so blessed to have our other kids around to keep us laughing through this process. We were cracking up at dinner tonight at Braden & Kayla, and Kelsey is the happiest & sweetest little baby ever. I know that Brooklyn can't wait to feel better so she can be up & running around making us laugh again too. I can't wait for that either.

Three Weeks Down

It is amazing to me that it was a little over 3 weeks ago that we found out about Brooklyn's leukemia. I feel like it has been at least 3 months. Our lives have changed so much. We have to think about so much more than we used to - from germs to blood counts to medications to food! Brooklyn's blood counts were great Thursday which meant that she didn't have to get blood on Friday! We were very excited that all she would need was her chemo on Friday. Mike and I were saying to eachother that it is so weird that we are even saying - "oh great, she only needs chemo." Thursday night was rough though, she felt terrible & didn't know why. Her stomach was very upset and we were up pretty much all night. Chemo went fine, but she was very tired & not in a happy mood. We got a really cool thing from the infusion lab - it is called Beads of Courage. It is a string that has her name spelled out in beads and then you get to add a different color or kind of bead based on what procedure you are having done - spinal tap, chemo, blood transfusion, courage etc. It is a really neat program that gives each kid a tangible item that kind of tells their story of their treatment process. It is funny the things that I am learning to appreciate now - when all 6 of us are sitting at the dinner table together, playing a game together, when Brooklyn feels good enough to play in the driveway. I know I took just everyday things like that for granted before this experience. I have definitely always been a multi-tasker and it is difficult for me to slow down. I know that through Brooklyn's illness, I am learning to live life at a slower pace and that it will be an advantage to all of our children as they are growing up. I am learning to be a more present, more patient, more humble mom, and for that I am grateful.

A Belated Valentine

I couldn't have received a better present for my heart on this Valentine's week than receiving a call from the Cardiologist yesterday. She said that she had just looked at Brooklyn's heart monitor results Tuesday night and that everything looked fine. I asked her a lot of questions, about what it is normally, if it falls within the acceptable range for her age, about how her heart reacted with being put under for her spinal tap, and she reassured me with each of my questions that her heart is healthy and will be fine. I am so happy! It was the best gift I could've ever gotten, although the flowers from my husband are nice too. :) We have been inside all day today, which is good since it is so cold and rainy outside. Brooklyn is constantly hungry & wanting to eat. Our home nurse came by to draw blood this morning and assured me again that this is what happens and that as soon as she is done with the steroids, she will go back to normal. It is starting to be hard seeing her with so much extra weight - it is harder for her to move around and she just looks so uncomfortable. She still has such a sweet spirit though. She will pat my back or my hand when I am laying next to her, and loves to help with flushing her lines on her Broviak every night. Mike usually tapes the caps after we are done & she loves to say - "Hey, we need the tape guy!" :)  Her strength and heart continue to amaze me every day.

Oh The Food

It was a long one today. Brooklyn didn't feel that good, but it's hard because she is really too young to be able to verbalize how she is feeling. I talked with my cousin this morning & it was really helpful. Her 17 year old son was diagnosed with Lymphoma a couple weeks before Brooklyn was diagnosed with Leukemia. It is wild that both of our kids were diagnosed within a month of eachother. She told me how he was feeling & what he says after having his chemo. The treatments are very different, because they have different types of cancer and because of their ages, but it helped me to maybe understand how Brooklyn might be feeling, she just doesn't know how to describe it. She wanted me to lay with her a lot today and pretty much ate from when she got up until when she went to bed. We started at about 4:30am with pancakes and popcorn, followed by cereal, more pancakes, some chicken nuggets, ice cream, grapes, hot dogs, yogurt, more popcorn, pizza, carrots and finally a bowl of ice cream before bed. Our home nurse said yesterday that as soon as she is off these steroids, she won't be eating so much anymore, and will go through a time when she won't want to eat at all, so they want her to have a little extra 'cushion' on her to tide her over for that time. We still haven't gotten any results on the heart monitor, which is a little frustrating, but we kind of figure no news is good news. This has definitely been a shock and a big life change for our family, but I was thinking today about the kids who have some kind of diagnosis that is long term, and how hard it is for them and their parents. It was weird to think that I am thankful that Brooklyn has cancer, something that is almost totally curable, and that we, hopefully, will be rid of in a few years. It is funny how something like this makes you appreciate things you never even thought about before.

Smile

We had a pretty mellow weekend. Brooklyn was pretty tired and as she would say, "Me not feeling great." It makes me so sad to hear her to say that. I can tell that she doesn't really know how to describe how she's feeling, but it's not great. I had a hard day today because I want to take a family picture to hang in our house. The one we have up now doesn't have Kelsey in it and Brooklyn is about 15 months old. It's kind of funny because she didn't have much hair then; she was our only bald baby, but now she has the thickest, prettiest hair out of all of the kids. I want to put up a new picture that has all four of the kids in it before Brooklyn looses her hair and is bald again. But the way she looks right now is not really what she truly looks like either. I am so torn. Do I want a picture up where she is all bloated from her medicines and eating so much or do I want to wait until she doesn't have any hair, or should I wait for 3 years until everything is over and she is better? I think it is also hard for me when she isn't feeling good and I can't make it better for her. I just want to take all the kids out and enjoy the beautiful sunny days we have been having & have everyone be healthy. I know God knew how I was feeling, because all of a sudden Brooklyn wanted to play outside with her princess car. We took all 4 kids outside & we raced up and down the street on the toy car, train, scooter, big wheel - anything we could find. It was so much fun to hear their laughter and for us to all be outside playing together. I took a picture of the kids, no one is matching or posed, but it is our family right now and that is what makes me happy. We got to go to church this morning and one of the songs we sang said, "Our hearts cry out, we need You now, we're giving it all to You."  I know that is what we need to remember to do each morning - God has a plan for us through all of this and it is not up to me to try to schedule it or plan it out. His plan is right & I just have to believe that and give my worries and sadness to Him. He has given us so much. I have so much joy every day just looking at those four silly smiles.

A Whole New World

We had a fun morning yesterday. Brooklyn, Kayla, my Mom & I played games together for awhile, but then Brookie was tired and just wanted to lay on the couch. Her favorite movie this week is Monsters Inc. She wants to watch it over and over. We got a call from the nurse in the afternoon saying that Brooklyn's hemoglobin was down a lot from Monday so we needed to go in at 8:00 this morning to have it rechecked and possibly get blood. I was so bummed about it because I just want her to be healthy all the time. They have told us that the chemo will make her numbers go up and down, but I get so sad when they are down. I hate that the Leukemia is hurting her and I hate that the chemo is so hard on her too. Mike and I actually got to play games at our friend's house last night and it was a great break for us to just laugh and not think about medications and blood counts and doctors appointments. Brookie and I left at 7:00 this morning to go to the infusion room to get her blood checked again. She ended up needing to get blood as well as her chemo, so we were there most of the day. She has had a fine reaction to it, but is still really tired. We didn't hear anything about the heart monitor results today, so hopefully we will on Monday. The steroids are still in full effect as is evident every 10 minutes when she says "Me wanna eat someting".  Being there today was crazy for me b/c I never really thought much about cancer before. I definitely felt sad for someone who was diagnosed, but I was always so busy with our "ordinary" life that I had no understanding of what people with cancer actually have to go through. Seeing all the other kids and moms there today made me realize what a big deal it really is. I know that I will never be the same. I so desperately want Brooklyn to be healed and all her treatments to be over, but I know that even when we are past this time, I will never forget that other kids are going through the same process.  I hope that once we are at that point, our family will be able to help other families cope through it all. We are still continually amazed at the wonderful support and love that we have received from everyone. Thank you so much.

Chubby Bunny

Did you ever play that game in junior high where you try to stuff as many marshmallows as you can into your cheeks and still say "Chubby Bunny"? Brooklyn's cheeks totally remind me of that game! She is so cute and she is totally getting the round face and belly just like the doctor and nurses said she would. And the fact that I think she had 13 chicken dinosaurs today probably added to her chubby bunny cheeks! We had a mellow morning, just hanging out at home. We went on a little walk with Kelsey b/c the weather was so beautiful, but she got tired so I ended up holding Kelsey and pushing Brooklyn in the stroller. We took the heart monitor back so I am hoping to hear something back from them by the end of the week. After we took it back, we picked up Braden and his friend from the park after my mom had picked them up from school. Brooklyn's counts were up the other day, so I said that we could get out and play for awhile. It was the sweetest thing to see her running after her brother and wanting to go wherever he went. She was loving the swings and the play structure and it made me so happy that she could play outside like normal. But it was also weird b/c it isn't normal anymore. I am usually so laid back about germs and dirt and playing at the park, I think with four kids you just learn to be more relaxed about that stuff. But now, I worry about it. I didn't want her to be too close to the other kids b/c it's not like she's just getting over a cold or the flu. She has cancer. It is crazy to me to think that my daughter has cancer. I don't want it to be true. I want to be able to not worry about germs or if she is standing next to a kid who coughs at the playground. I have accepted it and I know that this is the life that we lead now and I relish the days when she feels good and we do something fun together. We have a great life and we are blessed with every day, and now we always have clean hands. :)

Unbelievable Patience

We had a nice day today. My good friend Lindsay came over and did my hair at the house and cut both Brooklyn's and Kayla's hair too. It was so thoughtful & generous of her & the girls loved having their hair done. Me too! Brooklyn didn't feel great today, but it was nice to be home all morning so I could comfort her. We went out in the crazy wind to get her heart monitor put on at the hospital. She still amazes me every day. The monitor is basically 7 or 8 stickers that are stuck on her chest with a wire attached to each one that is then plugged into this box that is a little bigger than a cell phone. It has a holder like the kind that you connect to your belt if you held your cell phone that way. She was so good while they were hooking her up and the rest of the afternoon. This poor little thing has a tube sticking out of her chest, she has to drink terrible medicine twice a day, her body aches and now she has cords all attached to her body, and she is still so patient and unquestioning. She is so sweet, and her trust in us during this whole process is incredible. She has to wear the monitor for 24 hours and then I can take it back to the hospital tomorrow. I am hoping that it shows that she has a low heart rate all of the time & there is no problem. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Teenage Boy or a 2 Year Old on Steroids?

So, our darling little Brooklyn woke me up at 2:30 this morning because that was the precise moment she remembered that she never got the ice cream bar that her dad had promised her the night before after she took her medicine. I tried to tell her that it was night time, and time to sleep and that she could have one when we woke up in the morning, but there is no reasoning with a toddler on steroids! So, we got up and she had an ice cream bar, 2 waffles with cream cheese, 1/4 a bagel and 2 pieces of ham. She would've kept going but I finally convinced her we should go back to bed since it was now 4:30am. She slept awhile longer, but reeeaaally wanted pancakes when she got up, so after getting Braden and Kayla off to school, I made pancakes and she ate 5. It is pretty funny seeing her eat so much. Of course, in a normal situation, I would never get up with her in the middle of the night to give her food, but these darn drugs are so rough on her and if there is anything we can do to make her feel better, then I am certainly going to do it. I love her so much and I just want to take care of her the best I can. I just make sure I get my fill of caffeine throughout the day! :)  She actually didn't feel great today, her body was hurting & she was very temperamental, but it was great to be able to be home and be here for her and also get some stuff done around the house. Tomorrow we go to the cardiac room at the hospital so she can be fitted for a heart monitor that she will have to wear for 24 hours so they can get a more accurate reading of how her heart functions. Our nurse told us that the Cardiologist wasn't worried about her after hearing what her Oncologist said, so that gave us a bit of relief. Hopefully all the results will come back with flying colors! 

Superbowl Fun

We had a great day today! Brooklyn was feeling much better. It seems that it just takes a day or so to recover after her surgery & chemo. She did wake up at 3:30am and wanted to eat, so we came downstairs for an hour an a half before I convinced her that it was still night time and we should go back to sleep. :)  We cleaned the furniture in the backyard since the patio is done and the kids loved getting all wet from the hose. I got some snack foods from the store and we just hung out and watched the Superbowl. Brooklyn did let us know that she hated "this football show" a few times, but she got over it. I am so thankful for my family and the beautiful day we had today.

Slowin' down

We are very busy people. I'm not talking about our whole society or generation, but just our family. Partly because we have four kids and there is not time for much rest with four little ones running around, but partly because we like to be busy. We really enjoy taking our kids out to do stuff and like all being together. When Mike coaches Braden's baseball team, the girls and I always go to the practices too b/c we enjoy being outside and around other people, and it's a family function for us. Today my Mom came over to stay with Brooklyn so both Mike and I could go to Braden's basketball game. It was so nice b/c I wasn't expecting to go, but while I was there, I was sad because the last game I had been to, Brooklyn was with us. All of us were there and the girls were running around, making new friends, not watching the game at all. :) I know that we will get through these times, and we will all be out together again soon enough, but it is still a big adjustment for us. And, I have really enjoyed getting to spend more time playing with the kids, so maybe that is a lesson for us through this trial. Brooklyn was also really tired today, she didn't want to play much and rested most of the day. It is always harder on those days b/c I feel sad for her. She went through a lot yesterday though, so I am sure her little body is just worn out. I read this from Psalm 28 today, and I think it will be a verse that will help us all through the next few months: 'The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.' I know He has a plan for us through all of this, and I don't need to know it, I just need to trust Him.

Pizza never tasted so good!

I have never liked hospital shows. I get too attached to the characters and then get sad if something bad happens, and they are always filled with drama. Part of me felt like we were in one of them today. Brooklyn did great this morning getting her platelets and her chemo. She was hungry, but was very patient and we watched a movie. When we went to the surgery center, there was a lot of waiting which was tough b/c she was soooo hungry. She told everyone she saw that she wanted to eat "petaroni pizza" when she was done. When we finally got called back a little after 1:00, we got to go in the surgery room with her. It was so weird b/c everyone was just kind of talking about their weekend or their family, and here we were, sitting there, wrapped up in the fact that our little girl laying on the table has cancer and was in their hands. It is our whole world right now, and for them, it was just another procedure. It took three times for the doctor to get a good draw from her spine, which was hard to watch - those are big needles. Her heart rate was really low during the surgery & afterward, so now our doctor wants us to see a cardiologist to make sure there aren't any other problems going on. I am emotionally exhausted. I don't want anything else to be wrong. Brooklyn couldn't wait to eat, so we ate pizza in the hospital cafeteria & she was so happy. The highlight of my day was playing Twister with the kids tonight. It was so much fun. We have received so many cards and gifts for Brooklyn and for our whole family over the last week and we are overwhelmed with the generosity and heartfelt messages from so many family and friends. Your prayers and thoughtfulness are more than we could have ever hoped for and we are so grateful.

Bulkin' up

We have been learning more than we thought we would ever know about cancer, blood cells, & medications over the last week and a half. Research has shown that the best way to treat Leukemia is to hit it hard at the beginning. This kills off the majority of the cancer cells within the first month, and then the rest of the 2+ years of treatment is kind of like maintenance - to be sure that there aren't any cancer cells left lingering around the body. That is why the first month of treatment is so intense. The one chemo treatment we do at home is a steroid. Everyone has said that it could make her "bulk up" - get pudgy cheeks & a round belly and become a voracious eater. Today was the first time we saw a sign that this may happen with her. She woke up at 6:00am and wanted to come downstairs to eat. We kept her in bed until 7:00, but she ate 2 waffles with cream cheese, 1/2 a bagel and mac and cheese before 10:00am. :)  She actually didn't eat too much the rest of the day, but it was pretty cute to see her wanting to eat so much! We met our home health nurse today, and she is great. She walked us through what the process will be over the next few months and answered a lot of our questions. She also let Brookie help with drawing her blood and flushing her catheter which she was excited to do. Tomorrow is another big day - she needs to get platelets in the morning b/c her count is low and she is getting another round of chemo at 11:00am and then having a spinal tap at 1:00pm. The worst part is she isn't able to eat after midnight or drink after 8:30am. We're thinking this won't be easy considering how hungry she was this morning. I've never hoped one of my kids got up for a midnight snack, but I kind of want her to tonight so her tummy isn't so hungry in the morning! Thank you for continuing to pray for us.

Playing is fun

I have always enjoyed playing with our kids. But as the number of kids has gone up, the time spent playing with them has gone down. Partly because there is so much more to do - cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking for a family of 6. It has also been nice that as the kids have gotten older, they like to play together, they are good friends. But, the past couple days have given me a chance to spend focused time with Brooklyn & play more than I used to. We go outside when she wants to, we color & play with stamps, we even did play dough today! Granted, we played catch with it outside, so it wasn't as messy as usual, but that is what she wanted to do and it made me so happy to do it with her. She had more energy today so that was fun. Kelsey turned 8 months today and it is amazing to think of how much our lives have changed since she was born. Our family has changed dramatically over just the last week. It has been a roller coaster of emotions, but I know that this experience and difficult couple of years ahead, will bring our family closer together. And we will play more.

One Day at a Time

Our first day home was a pretty good one. Brooklyn was tired this morning and wanted to just snuggle on the couch, but then she got a burst of energy and wanted to ride her scooter! I was so happy that it was such a beautiful day today, and we went up and down the street again and again on her scooter, tricycle and big wheel. It was so great to see her having so much fun. And she was happy to not be "tangled up" in her IV cords anymore. All the excitement wore her out so she took about a four hour nap. When Braden got home from school, we all went out to the backyard to check out the new concrete and grass that was put in the week we were in the hospital. It makes me happy to see all of them playing and marching around the yard together like everything is normal. I know Kelsey can't wait to join them! Even though we are still trying to figure out how we are going to manage what our new "normal" is, it is wonderful to hear the kids laughing and giggling together. I am learning to slow down and appreciate each moment, every day, and I am thankful.