When I think of the word 'strength', I typically think of something that is strong. A body builder, a heavy duty industrial structure, something big. But Strength can be witnessed in a variety of ways. It is evident in a widow who has unexpectedly lost her husband and has to figure out not only how to run her household, but how to raise her kids on her own. It can be seen in an athlete who gives up so much of their personal lives in order to strive to become the best at what they do. It can be seen in a couple who unselfishly tends to every need of their handicapped child every day of their lives. And it can be seen in a four year old child, battling a life threatening disease yet wearing a smile unceasingly. We had Brooklyn's monthly checkup with her oncologist yesterday. She is still handling all of her medication really well, and her blood results from yesterday confirmed that she is a strong fighter. Her ANC level has consistently been above 1500, so the doctor increased her medicine once again. She is getting a higher dosage now for 3 out of her 4 weekly medications, and the reason the fourth wasn't increased is because it's already in the high range for her size and age. It makes me uncomfortable to give her so much medicine. I know the doctor knows what is best for her, he is actually a professor at UC Davis and has done a lot of research studies on pediatric cancer, but as a mom, I still hate to give her so much. I was talking to my dad recently about it and it is basically like she is a healthy kid that we are making sick because we are giving her all this medication. Mike is always good at reminding me that the studies have shown that her blood levels need to be in this certain range for 2 years in order to be sure that the cancer won't come back. When I think of it that way, I know that what we are doing is the best thing for her, so that she can grow up and have a healthy, normal life after all of this treatment is done. It just seems like she's been doing it for such a long time already. Her steroids that she is taking this week were one of the meds that was increased, so it will be interesting to see if the increased dose makes a difference in her mood swings or eating habits at all. She also had a spinal tap today. She was scheduled for one of the first ones, so we had to be to the infusion room by 8:00. She was great getting up and out, but didn't know why she couldn't have anything to eat on our way. My mom met us there so she could take Kelsey back home with her while Mike was home with Braden and Kayla, getting them up and out to school. They are already in their third week (which seems crazy!) and they are both loving their teachers and being back with friends. While Brooklyn's port was being accessed in the infusion room, one of the nurses helped us get caught up on our beads for Brookie's 'beads of courage' necklace. It always seems like things get so busy that I forget to ask for the beads she has earned when we go into the clinic, so we had over a year to collect at our quick appointment today. As I strung them together this afternoon, it was pretty emotional to think of all she has gone through in the last year and a half. I would've never wanted this for her, or for any child for that matter, yet she has shown such incredible strength through this whole process. Even today, waiting for her spinal tap, she played in the waiting room with toys and stickers, laughing and joking with the nurses and me like we were just at a big playdate. We usually have a resident anesthesiologist that administers her anesthesia, and they don't ever give her enough the first time, maybe it's just that her body is so strong, or she's used to it so she needs a little more medicine to fall asleep all the way, but it happened again today. When the doctor tried to poke the needle in her spine, she squirmed half way across the table. The anesthesiologist had to give her more, and the doctor was finally able to get the needle in the right place in her spine. He did a good job, but I always wince when her body squirms because I think she can feel the giant needle. :( She never seems to remember anything about the surgery though. She found the bandaid on her back this afternoon and asked why she had it there, so I told her it was from when the doctor gave her some medicine in her back, and she had no idea what I was talking about. She didn't remember any of it. What an amazing gift that God has given her in the ability to be so strong throughout all she's going through, and also the ability to completely forget most of it. We were extra lucky when we were done today because we got to meet my parents at Leatherby's for lunch. It is my dad's birthday today and both he and Brooklyn decided that 'wedabees' would be the perfect place to go after her spinal tap. She enjoyed her caramel sundae down to the last bite. :) She starts preschool next week, and my prayer is that everyone stays healthy this fall & winter as colds and flu bugs start to pop up again around school. I am so thankful for our fun summer and wonderful visits we had with our family and friends, and look forward to many more in the months to come. We are continuously uplifted by strength from our awesome God, and inspired by Brooklyn's strength and determination.
