Ups and Downs

I was lucky enough to attend the wedding of my good college friend, Mary, up in Portland a couple weeks ago. Mike was on the committee in charge of planning a golf tournament here in town on Monday morning, so he wasn't able to go with me. I was sad to travel without Mike and the kids, but it was a really great weekend, getting to see all of my college roommates and some other good friends. It was nice to get away for the weekend and just not have to do laundry for 2 days! Mike and my parents took care of the kids while I was gone, and they all had a great time and, thankfully, stayed healthy. I flew back on Monday afternoon and our home nurse Wendi had come over that morning to check Brooklyn's blood. I had to stop at Costco on my way home to pick up some of Brooklyn's prescriptions, and Wendi sent me a text with Brookie's numbers while I was shopping. Her ANC has been consistently high and they have increased two types of her chemo in order to make sure that she is fighting as hard as possible to keep the cancer away. The one chemo that she takes every Tuesday has made her really sick every Wednesday morning, so much so that I have been wanting to call the doctor and tell them I don't want her to have the increased dosage anymore, at least not as long as it makes her so sick. However, when Wendi texted her numbers, her ANC had dropped from 2100 to 840. It totally stressed me out because even though I know that they want her range to be in between 750 - 1500, I am always happy when she is on the upper end of that spectrum because I feel like her body is strong and healthy. Technically, since her number was 840, she still fell in the range they want her to be in, so she was okay. However, if it would dip below 750, they would hold her chemo for awhile, and if it gets down to 500, that's when we are on "house arrest" and aren't allowed to go anywhere and have to be really careful with germs. It was crazy because I have been feeling so positive and confident in the last few weeks, with going out places, taking Brookie to gym class, even just trips to the store. Her counts dropping reminded me how truly dependent we are on how hard her body is fighting and that I shouldn't be over-confident in my thinking. We really have been doing almost everything we want to do and Brooklyn has been feeling well and keeping up with the rest of us. I realized that Monday when I got home that we need to still be cautious and careful and slow down. I decided not to take her to gym class that week, just to try to minimize any germs that she might be exposed to with so many other little kids in the same class. I also tried to not take her out as much. I kind of wanted her levels to be checked again last week, just so that I wouldn't be worrying about them or wondering if they had dipped, but they didn't think that it was necessary. Last week was a busy one for us. Braden started baseball camp at Sac State so we were up and out every morning by 8:15. It was hard to get everyone up and fed and out, but it was nice to be up and ready for each day bright and early. We have been having fun playing outside with friends and swimming and enjoying the beautiful summer weather. We managed to make it through 2 weeks without Brookie getting sick, and me not worrying too much about her counts, but just trying to be extra cautious with our hand washing and places we choose to go. I know that God is listening to my worries and has His hand on Brooklyn, and she helps me find strength too when she will say things like, "Mom, you know what? I love God the most." just out of the blue sometimes. Friday, I got to take the girls to see Elmo and the rest of the Sesame Street characters in a performance. My aunt's company gave us tickets in their suite, so it was great because we were really not around many people, even though we were in a big arena. The girls loved all the singing and dancing and it was fun to get to take them to a show. Yesterday, we went back to the Oncologist after dropping Braden off at baseball camp again. The doctor thought Brookie looked really good and listened to my concerns about her nausea (although interestingly enough, last Wednesday she didn't get sick like she had been, so maybe her body is getting used to the increased dosage). After her checkup, we went to the infusion room to get blood drawn and her monthly chemo. It was a little crazier than usual because Kayla and Kelsey were with us, but everyone did fine. I was thrilled to get the message last night that her counts are back up to 1700 again. I am amazed at what a strong little fighter she is and how hard her body works to stay healthy. I was pretty excited this morning because I actually had to trim Brooklyn's bangs. It was just about a year ago that we sat outside and shaved her head because her hair was falling out in such big clumps. It is growing back just beautifully and she is looking so good, it is wonderful to see how far she's come over the last year.