Let Them Be Little

Have you heard that song by Billy Dean? I heard it again recently and it's one of those that always makes you cry. It says "Let them be little, cause they're only that way for awhile. Give 'em hope, give them praise, give them love every day. Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle, oh but let them be little." If that doesn't make you stop and think, I don't know what will. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day of life that you don't take the time to let your kids be little. You don't get on the floor and play or make up stories together or jump on the bed. How many times have I caught myself saying things I never thought I would say? "Stop blowing bubbles in your drink. We don't sit on the counter. Do I look like the garbage can? There's no spitting in the car!" Really- that last one is a frequent one believe it or not. I was talking with someone recently who had a friend who's kids had all gone off to college and she was having the hardest time adjusting to not having her kids at home anymore. I know that time sneaks up on us faster than we expect. I don't want to look back on the time when our kids were little and wish I had spent more time with them or played more or imagined more. I am totally guilty of that at times though. It seems like I need more hours in the day to get everything done, so it's easy to just let the kids play together while I clean or cook or get organized. Things can get so busy that I can expect too much from our little kids, we want them to act like a "big kid", tell them we expect more from them, want them to be more responsible. But they are going to have to do that their whole lives. They have so few years when they don't care what other people think, they don't have to worry about school or work or responsibilities. We should cherish that time for them because they don't know that it's so limited. We should sing out loud and dance in the rain and laugh til it hurts. You would think I would have it all figured out now especially since Brooklyn has leukemia, I should cherish each day and just have fun, but I don't. She was on steroids again a couple weeks ago but it seems like the effects of the drugs lasted longer this time. She has been particularly feisty and gets angry easily if she doesn't get her way. She woke up every night again during her week on steroids and then for the next few nights afterwards. She has slept through the night the last few nights though so that has been great. It seems so logical that we should laugh and dance and play with our kids all the time but when you're in the midst of a day full of whining and crying and fighting, it can be easy to forget that you want to sit and play with your kids while they're young. Our kids are really so good though and we are so blessed to have them. I asked our kids, individually, a couple months ago if they knew we loved them and they each (except Kelsey of course) said yes, we tell them every day. That is what I really want. I know I may not always play as much as I should, but I do always want them to know they are loved. I was folding laundry the other day and Brooklyn started jumping on my bed. I immediately started thinking of the monkeys jumping on the bed song, but before I told her to stop, I saw the look on her face. She was having the best time in the world. Of course I don't want the kids to get hurt by falling off the bed or hurting themselves somehow jumping, but how much fun is it to jump on a bed? Can you remember the feeling of jumping and feeling like you're flying through the air before landing again on the springy mattress & taking flight again? You just don't do that as an adult. We don't take the time, we don't want to mess up the bed, and we don't want to get hurt either. But I didn't make her stop, I wanted her to feel that joy, that elation, that feeling of pure fun. She has been through so much this last year that she should get to bounce on the bed every day. Seeing her joy helped me to remember that I want that for my kids, I want them to enjoy being young, not have to worry about the worries of life or what lies ahead. I am going to do my part to "let them be little" for as long as possible.

New Year

Happy New Year! We had a wonderful trip to Southern California. The house we rented in San Diego was great & had a lot of land with it, so the kids had a blast running all around, playing soccer and basketball, climbing in the tree house and even trying to get wet in the pool (they didn't make it much past their knees because it wasn't heated!) The weather was beautiful and we were outside enjoying the sunshine every day. It was so much fun to visit with our friends again and to all relax for a few days together. We spent last year together in Tahoe and it was so much fun, but especially shocking when we called everyone a month after we had all be together to let them know that Brooklyn had been diagnosed with Leukemia because she had been totally fine during New Years trip. It was good that we got to all be together again and for the kids to get to play and see that she is doing well. It was also a miracle that no one was sick! It is not very often that you can get that many kids together in one place, especially during the winter months, and have everyone be healthy! The kids all did little fireworks on New Year's Eve and drank some "parkling tider" to ring in the East Coast New Year & then were off to bed. They all slept pretty well because they would play so hard during the days. Our drive home was much easier than the drive down, so that was good, but it was tough to get back into the swing of things last week. It kind of felt like we were dragging all week. Braden had his first basketball game last Saturday and it was really fun. This week has felt like we've been able to get back into more of a routine and back on our schedule. Monday morning we met with Brooklyn's oncologist and then she had chemo in the infusion room again. She is back on steroids this week so that always seems to make her not feel great. She has been doing well at school though, not as tired as she is sometimes and looking forward to going to see her friends and teachers. She was the "snack friend" today and was so excited to bring in powdered sugar donuts and grapes - two of her favorite things lately. It was definitely a little different than the snacks they usually have at school, but the other choice would've been salami, and I didn't think the kids would go for that. :) It is tough to see the toll that all this medicine is taking on her little body. During the one week per month that she is on steroids, we have to put a thick pad inside her diaper when she goes to bed because if we don't she will leak all over the bed. But the other three weeks out of the month, she could probably wear underwear to bed because her diaper is usually pretty dry. It is so hard because it's something that she can't control. I was thinking how hard it would be to not be able to control what is happening to your body; to want to do something, but not be able to because of the affects the medication has on your organs. I was getting Brooklyn ready for bed recently and another little kid her age was nearby and asked why she had to wear a diaper to bed. Of course, because the kid was three, I said she wore it just in case she needed it during the night. But I'm thinking, well, it's not really her fault, she can't ever get in a routine or sleep potty train because her system is so screwed up, and I don't know if it will change at all for the next year. Hopefully she won't need to wear a diaper to bed when she is almost 5, but who knows? Will her body get used to the medicine and know to wake her up to go to the bathroom or will she adjust so she won't have to go so often during the night or will they have to increase her chemo as she ages so it could have the same effect? I had no intention of talking about peeing so much, but it is just an example of how hard it is on her body to be taking all of this stuff. The steroids also make her wake up more often at night. Mike and I each had to take her back to bed 2 or 3 times last night throughout the night. We were hitting the snooze button for over an hour this morning because we were so tired!! She usually gets back in a routine of sleeping well through the night again a couple weeks after taking the steroids, but then a few days later, she starts them up again & the sleeplessness returns. However, even while complaining about the medication, I am so thankful for it. I think about how life was 100 years ago, and a child with Leukemia would've probably just been considered "sickly" and would most likely not live very long. I am so happy that she is able to take these drugs that are going to cure her. I want to hear her begging me for "just one more" donut over and over, I want her to be able to ask me for 5 more "petaronis". I want her to celebrate 90 more New Year's Eves. Another positive thing in all of this is that although it is tough that she is so young because she isn't able to tell us exactly how she's feeling, it may actually be a blessing because she may not remember much of this time. I don't remember much from when I was 3 years old, so maybe she will not have memories of surgeries and doctors and feeling terrible. That is what I'm hoping for. Our prayer for this year is definitely for health and safety and I know we will have lots of fun and laughter to carry us through.