Thankful

I don't know if it is just this time of year, or this year in particular, but I have been so thankful and grateful for everything in our lives the last few weeks. Brooklyn has remained healthy this whole month! Yay!! I kept telling her that we didn't want her to get sick because we didn't want to be in the hospital for Christmas. I know that the nurses and doctors would've made it special for us, but we reeeeaaally didn't want to be there for the holiday. It was a bit hard to get stuff done because I didn't want to take her to any stores and expose her to more germs than normal and potentially have her get sick, so I would go out after Mike got home or he would pick stuff up for me when we needed something. It was definitely less chaotic than it normally is for us during this busy season, but it was so good. I told Mike that I felt so much less stressed than I normally do, and I don't know if we were just more on top of things with decorating and buying presents, or if we just realized that we need to slow down this year to keep Brooklyn (as well as the rest of us) healthy and so that helped us feel less pressure. It has been a great break from school too. The kids have gotten to play with some of their friends, and have had more than one day where they stayed in pj's all day - which they loooved! It was hysterical one day when we went to the park because we have been trying to keep Brooklyn away from germs as much as possible and right before we left to go home (because it was getting really cold outside and starting to get dark) I turn to look at Brooklyn and she has gotten her entire head wet from the drinking fountain. Ugh!! I'm thinking- she is going to make herself sick!! She got dried off once we got home and stayed healthy so we were thankful for that. We even got to go to church on Christmas Eve. I sat in the cry room with Brooklyn and Kelsey and my mom because we didn't want Brookie to be in the church with so many people. She wanted to go out with everyone else, but we managed to stay in the room and it was a wonderful service. We always do a lot of fun things with my family at my aunt and uncle's house so we all headed up there for a fun Christmas Eve and got home pretty late, but it was a really great night. Christmas day was magical. Brooklyn was the most excited that Santa had come during the night. All of the kids were thrilled, but her big blue eyes lit up when she came down the stairs and saw the presents all under the tree. She said, "Tanta came, Tanta came!" We don't keep any presents under the tree before Christmas because she is pretty sure that she should open anything that she sees as soon as she sees it, whether it's for her or not! We had a wonderful day after opening all the gifts and got to just relax, go on a walk, even watch a movie. It was great to just get to enjoy the day all together and rest. Tuesday we left and drove down to Mike's parents' house in southern California. It was a long drive, and we got stuck in traffic a few times, and Braden got carsick, so that wasn't fun, but other than that, pretty uneventful. :) It is so good to be here and visit with the Frank family. Mike's mom is done with her chemo but is still going through other treatments and isn't feeling great, so we brought 4 bundles of fun to keep her on her toes! We have spent time with Mike's brothers and cousins and aunt and uncle too so it has really been great. We haven't been able to come down here for quite some time because of all of Brooklyn's treatments and school and sports for the kids, so it is fun to be here. This weekend we are going to spend with friends from college that we always get together with for New Year's. It will be super fun and super crazy, 5 couples and 14 kids all in one house together. But we rented a big house, so there is room for everybody! Mike was really nervous about coming down because he was worried about what we would do if Brooklyn gets sick when we are away from home. This is the farthest we have traveled with her since January. We know that we will figure it all out though and continue to pray that she stays healthy throughout the trip. 2011 has definitely not been our favorite year. However, throughout all we have experienced, we have learned to be thankful for just everyday things that you normally don't think about. I am thankful every day for our four amazing kids. I am thankful for our wonderfully supportive parents. I am thankful every night when I go in to check on the kids and Brooklyn doesn't have a fever. I am thankful for Mike's job. I am thankful that we have a strong marriage. I am thankful for the support we have received from all of our amazing friends. I am thankful for all the research that has been done to find a cure for this disease. I am thankful for Jesus coming to earth for all of us. There is so much we have learned this year, but more than anything, we have learned how important it is to enjoy every day and to be thankful for all that God has blessed us with in this life.

Conflicted

Do you ever feel like things in your life are conflicted? Like in one circumstance, there are two contradicting options or answers. For example, I remember watching an infomercial one time at the gym a few years ago for the skin care line that Cindy Crawford sells. I was riding the elliptical machine thinking, I need to order that. It gets rid of your wrinkles, it has the nectar from a special cantelope in France, and her skin looks the same as it did when she was 20, so I really should order it. I neeeed it. And then I wake up the next day with a pimple. Seriously? Can you have wrinkles and pimples at the same time? So now do I need Pro-active? The people who use that acne medication all have really nice skin too. I think God is just trying to keep me on my toes (and maybe giggling a little!) To a more serious extent, we are constantly conflicted with choices we make these days for Brooklyn. We decided to keep her home two weeks ago so that she would stay healthy while we were out of town and because her blood counts were low, but last week, we sent her back to school even though we hadn't had another blood test to know if they had gone up or not. On one hand, we think maybe we should keep her home all the time to try to keep her healthy, but on the other hand, we want her life to be as normal as possible. The doctors even said that we should try to keep things normal for our family as much as we can, but that is so hard to do when we know how quickly she can get sick and how different that looks for her than for the other kids. A normal cold for a healthy kid can quickly turn into pneumonia for Brooklyn, which means another hospital stay and serious complications for her. We let the kids all go to that breakfast with Santa at my parents' golf course, but we haven't gone to see Santa anywhere else or gone shopping together because we don't want to expose her to so many other people with their germs and risk her getting sick. It is hard to try to balance what we need to do to stay "sane" and what we need to do to keep her well. She had a great time at school last Tuesday, but Thursday she was more tired and sat on her teachers' laps a lot. Friday morning I took the two little girls to a birthday party for a friend of ours. It was such a fun party and just right for us because there were very few kids there, and they had donuts and played for about an hour and a half and then it was time to go. I was so happy to get to take them out and do something "normal" like that. However, Saturday night, Kelsey came down with the flu. She had a fever for a couple days and was just tuckered out. We were so worried that Brooklyn would come down with it too because they are constantly together, but thankfully she never got it (and neither did the rest of us!) Yesterday, Brooklyn had her appointment with the oncologist and got her monthly chemo in the infusion room. She did great, as always, and got to spend the rest of the afternoon with my mom so I could get some last minute shopping done and take Kayla to her gymnastics performance. This morning she had a spinal tap. It has been a few months since she has had one, but we still have our routine down. We had to be to the infusion room by 8:00 to get her port accessed and then headed over to the hospital. We brought goodie baskets for all of her nurses and they were all so happy to see her. After her procedure, she woke up happy but wasn't feeling well on the drive home, complaining of a headache and dry heaving. She bounced back after a couple hours and was running around outside and making a fort inside. I was sitting with her before bed tonight and she found the bandaid on her back from her spinal tap today. She peeled it off and said, "Who put that there?" I kind of paused and said, "Dr. Ducore did." She asked me why and I said, "Because he poked you." (That is what we call it when she gets blood drawn or chemo through her port because it is all done starting with a needle.) She said, "When I was asleep?" "Yes." "Did he count first?" (She always wants her nurses to count to three before putting her needle in.) I said, "yea, he did." It blew me away that she had no recollection at all of her procedure this morning. I wonder what she thinks we do when we go there. She is awake and talking to all of her nurse friends and then falls asleep in my arms on the table in the operating room and then wakes up in recovery and we leave, but she never questions what happened or why we have to go. It is a blessing, I think, that she doesn't know. She has to take chemo every night at home, had a chemo infusion yesterday and a spinal tap today, but for all you'd know, she is as healthy as can be. She runs around and plays all the time, and just occasionally says she isn't "teeling" well. I know that is partly why it is hard for us to remember to slow down and not do so much with her, because she seems like she is just fine. It's another crazy contradiction because I want so much for the next year and a half to fly by so she is completely healthy again and cancer free, but I don't want to wish away her childhood. When she's done with treatment, it will be time for her to start Kindergarten, which is really great timing-wise, but we have been through so much just in the past year, I know we will want to hang on to her for a little longer. I think that we face conflicting & contradictory decisions throughout all of our lives, it is our faith and trust that gets us through those times. It is fine to need both Clearasil and wrinkle cream. :)

Staying Home & Getting Out

We had such a nice Thanksgiving week. It was great to be home and just play & relax & hang out with my cousin. We even got our Christmas tree and got our decorations up which was way ahead of our normal schedule! It was a fun vacation and hard to get up and back into the routine on Monday morning. This week was a bit of a "hibernation" week in our house. Monday we took Braden to a doctor's appointment for a checkup and then went straight over to the oncologist for Brooklyn's follow up appointment after getting released from the hospital last week. They said she was looking good, her lungs sounded clear, her breathing is good and she isn't coughing anymore. We went to the infusion room to do her blood tests and then went to lunch together. I ran another errand and then picked up Braden from school, dropped Brooklyn and Braden off at home with my mom and picked up Kayla to go to gymnastics. It was fun to be able to take her because she hasn't been in class since last spring & she has always been kind of a natural gymnast (maybe because she is always bouncing off the walls at home!) She picked it up right where she left off and it was great to get to watch her doing something she enjoys so much. The nurse called while I was at the gym with Brookie's blood results. Her ANC level was at about 750 which was much lower than it had been in recent weeks. She had been right around 1400-1600 until she went into the hospital with pneumonia and it shot up to 13,000 because her body was fighting the virus. So, for it to drop from 13,000 to 750 in just a week was a big drop. When she is at 500, that is when we are on "house arrest" and can't be around anyone else or leave the house. So, since it was close to that 500 number on Monday, we decided she shouldn't go to school and should just stay home all week. The doctor wasn't worried about her numbers so we started her chemo back up on Monday night. We were nervous because if she would get a fever, we most likely would have to check into the hospital again since her counts are low. The thing that made us most nervous about that is that Mike and I were going to Phoenix this weekend for his work's Christmas party. I was nervous to leave her and be so far away, especially if she would get sick & need to go in to the ER. My parents and aunt and uncle all helped watch the kids and I knew they would have a blast, I was just praying she didn't need to go in to the hospital for anything. For Mike and me to go away for the weekend was amazing. Mike kept saying that a night in a hotel is like a week in Hawaii for us! So for us to be gone for two nights was like 2 weeks! We had such a wonderful time in Arizona. We got to see some of our best friends and had a really fun night out with them and then just enjoyed hanging out together all day Saturday. It was great to just be able to relax and not have a schedule and get to talk without being interrupted all the time. It was also really nice for me since I had been on "lock down" in the house all week. :)  I like to get out more than we got to this week, but I know that it is not about me, that Brooklyn's health is much more important than getting out and running errands or visiting with friends. There will always be time for that, we need to be sure that she stays healthy and strong to be able to fight this disease and be healthy again. The Christmas party was really fun and we were so happy that Brooklyn stayed fever free all weekend so we were able to enjoy our time and not try to catch a flight home and rush to the hospital. Our timing for our flight home today was perfect because the kids went to have breakfast with Santa at my parent's golf course and we landed in time to get to the course before the kids got their presents from Santa. It was so good to see everyone and have the rest of the afternoon to hang out together. When I was hanging out with Brooklyn earlier tonight she said, "Mom, it's been long days since I saw you." I said, "I know Brookie, I missed you & I'm so happy to see you again." She gave me a big hug and said, "Me too Mom." It was really great to get away, but it is always so good to be back home.

Home Again

We got released from the hospital yesterday afternoon. The doctor was impressed with how quickly Brooklyn recovered from one day to the next. Monday she was breathing so much better than she was Sunday night, it was great to see. We were in isolation again because they weren't sure if the pneumonia was a viral or bacterial infection so they didn't want us to spread it to anyone else on the floor. It was nice to be in isolation because we got our own room again, but hard because we couldn't leave or walk around anywhere. We played in our room & watched a lot of movies to pass the days. It was wonderful to have one of our good friends as our nurse both Saturday and Sunday, taking care of us all through the night. Mike came back and forth to the hospital so that he could go see the other kids at my parents too since he hadn't seen them all week. Monday, the doctors felt like Brooklyn was ready to go home. Her pneumonia had gotten smaller based on the x-ray of her lung and her oxygen levels and heart rate were much better too. We had to pick up two antibiotics for her from the pharmacy and she felt good enough to walk down there on her own. It was the most exercise she had had in 3 days! She even felt good enough to walk out to the parking garage, and I was very appreciative because I was carrying all of our stuff, so it would've been tough to carry her too! Ever since we got admitted to the hospital, all she had been looking forward to was going to her GaGa and PaPa's house when she got out because that is where the other kids had been staying, so when we got to leave Monday, we drove right there. It was fun to get to see everyone, Braden and Kayla had made posters for her and Kelsey wanted to sit with her wherever she went. Brookie was so sweet too because she had gotten 3 new stuffed animals while she was in the hospital and she gave one to each of her siblings. She took time picking which should go to which kid - it just warmed my heart to see her thinking of her brother and sisters while she was going through such a yucky time. I ran to do some grocery shopping while the kids were at my parents' house so I wouldn't have to take them out to the store today and then we went home. Mike got home from work just a little after we did and it was so good to all sit at the table and eat dinner together again. We felt very blessed and thankful. Today my cousin's son flew out from Wisconsin to spend Thanksgiving with us. He was diagnosed with Lymphoma 2 weeks before Brooklyn was diagnosed with Leukemia back in January. He did amazingly well with his treatments and is cured! He started his freshman year of college this fall and felt like he wanted to come out to see Brooklyn for his Thanksgiving break. The kids are so excited to have him here and Brooklyn seems to feel an immediate bond with him, sitting next to Nate on the couch and at the dinner table. We are so happy to get to spend the holiday with him. Brooklyn is off chemo again for the rest of the week as she finishes out her antibiotics. We are trying to take it easy for the rest of the week so she can relax and get better. It is hard to keep her down though, she was up and playing most of the day today. It's good to see her so full of energy though, it makes all of us happy.

Flying Solo

"I did it!" That's the first thing I thought when I woke up this morning. You see, my parents and aunt and uncle have been gone all week on vacation and Mike has been gone since Wednesday so I've been flying solo. It's not like I don't think I can take care of my kids by myself, I am with them every single day and manage to get them to and from school and their sports & activities just fine. But Mike does a lot to help with the kids in the morning and at night, and is always on top of giving Brooklyn her medicine. We are a great team and I am so thankful for all he does, and my parents are always so helpful whenever we need them. I knew we would be fine on our own, but the little fear that we might need to go to the hospital made me nervous. I would have to find someone to watch the other kids, get them where they needed to be, go to the ER on my own, all of that. And Braden had minimum days all week, so he still went to school at normal time but then he got out an hour after Kayla, so there was a lot of running back & forth. One day I thought it would be fun for the 4 of us girls to walk to school to get Braden. The kids are always saying they want to walk, and we didn't have any plans that we needed to hurry home for, so I figured it would be a good day to try it. Why did I think that? Brooklyn wanted to ride her scooter but was going to slow & kept stopping to rest so I made her get in the stroller with Kelsey which made her cry almost the entire rest of the walk. Then Kayla got tired of walking, so she jumped on the stroller too. So, for the biggest hill on the way to school I was pushing all three girls and the scooter and sweating like I was running a marathon. My arms were practically straight over my head because the hill was so steep. I'm sure we were quite the scene. The walk home was much easier since it was all downhill. I let Brooklyn ride her scooter again and she kept saying 'this is the best day eder!' I reminded her that she had just been crying her head off five minutes earlier but she didn't seem to care anymore. We actually had a great few days together. Braden got to play at a couple friends' houses, Kayla had girl scouts, Kelsey had gym class and Brooklyn went to school and I even got to get some closets organized that desperately needed it! My parents got home this morning at about 1:30am and Mike landed tonight at 6:30pm so when I woke up this morning, it was so reassuring to know that things would all be back to normal tonight. Brooklyn has slept with me the last two nights because she has been on steroids again this week and they always seem to mess with her sleep. Wednesday night I think I was up with her 5 times taking her back to bed, so it was easier to just let her sleep with me. When she got up this morning she said she didn't "teel" good, so I took her temperature when we got downstairs and it was 102. I called the doctor and called my parents and we got into the ER about 10:00. She was complaining that her stomach hurt and she's had a little cold all week so they did their normal blood culture draw and then she had a chest X-ray. We watched Sleeping Beauty in our room in the ER but she wasn't feeling good so she slept on & off. Then they wanted to do an ultrasound on her stomach since in was bothering her. Her fever kept coming back and was still high, even after getting Tylenol, so they decided we would be admitted. Before we came upstairs, she also had a cat scan so they could check all her organs. The poor thing has been through more today than any 3 year old should have to experience. We finally got into our room tonight at about 7:30. It was a long day in the ER. Mike landed and came straight to the hospital, so he got here about 8:00. The doctors came in a little later and said that Brooklyn has pneumonia. Her breathing has been really rapid and shallow today, so I think that is what they were so concerned about. She is doing fine now, Mike brought her some powdered sugar donuts and when she ate one at 9:00, it was the first thing she ate all day. We will probably be here for a couple days but I am so thankful that everyone is back home safe & sound. It will be good to be all under one roof again.

Are You New?

Mike and I will tease each other by saying that sometimes. Like in a situation where the other person should know the right response or answer but for some reason, aren't getting it. We like to joke around, so it's a way for us to be like - did you just get here? Why do you not know that answer? Have you not been the parent with me this whole time? :) We kind of were asking each other that question this weekend. But first, I'll go back. Friday the kids didn't have school so I took them to play at a park we haven't been to before. It was so great to have a slow morning and get to play and hang out and have fun. We went to frozen yogurt for lunch and then ran to the store. The weather started to get colder then so we came home and the kids curled up and watched a movie while I did some work around the house. We had some friends over for dinner that night and it was fun to visit and let the kids all play. Saturday was one of our first weekends without soccer so it was great to sleep in and not have to get out of the house so early. We had a relaxing morning and then thought it would be fun to take a family trip to the mall. Mike had bought me a watch for our anniversary so we thought it would be a good idea to go get it sized and walk around a little and go to dinner. Really? Are you new? For crying out loud do you think we could go to a more heavily populated place than the mall on a Saturday afternoon? Mike was dying and regretting our decision-making as we watched Brooklyn touch everything in sight. We decided to leave and went across the street to an open air area where they have a fountain that has water with lights that is coreagraphed to music. It was good to be outside & the kids loved watching the water dance. Then we went to one of our favorite places for dinner, but once again - dinner at a crowded restaurant on a Saturday night? Ugh. The kids did remarkably well in the restaurant, but Brookie did get tired and cranky toward the end of dinner. We got them home and into bed before it was too late, so that was good. We decided not to go to church Sunday morning because my parents and aunt & uncle are out of town so we would've had to bring Brooklyn into church with us and we just didn't want to expose her to so many people again since we just had the night before. I ran out to do some errands but everyone else just stayed home to play & rest. Kelsey has had a cold for a week now so she hasn't been feeling great and Brooklyn woke up with a runny nose Sunday morning and was kind of wheezing too.  By that evening, it was obvious she wasn't feeling well and was starting to get a fever. She had a hard time sleeping very soundly so I ended up sleeping in bed with her most of the night and miraculously her fever actually went down. This morning we went to see her oncologist for her regular monthly appointment, and then she got her chemo in the infusion room. After picking up Braden and Kayla from school, some friends watched the kids while Mike and I went to their parent teacher conferences. They are both doing wonderfully in school & we are so proud of them. They have had a lot to deal with in the last year with moving, starting a new school, making new friends and their sister getting cancer. We are so happy that they have adjusted to everything so well and are doing such a good job with it all. Brooklyn wasn't feeling very well again tonight, but it was another busy day for her. It is hard to remember that we need to slow down for Brooklyn when everything else in life is still going so fast. It's been 9 months, but I guess sometimes I am still new to all of this.

Back on Track

It has been so great to be home and be back to our regular life again. Brooklyn's home nurse came out on Thursday, the day after we got home from the hospital to make sure she was doing okay and again on Monday to draw her labs. Her counts all came back good, which was great news since she had been battling a virus all week. She even started back with her chemo Monday night, so that was good to get her back on track. When I asked our nurse about any fear of relapse of the leukemia since she was off her chemo for a week, she said they don't worry about it when kids are off treatment for such a short period of time and that it is not unusual for kids to have to be off chemo for up to four weeks sometimes. The older kids had a minimum day on Monday for Halloween and I got to work in Kayla's class for their party so that was fun. They all got to wear their costumes to school and had a parade and I'm sure didn't get much work done at all, but they had a great time and it was fun to see the kids all dressed up. That night we went trick-or-treating in our neighborhood for the first time (since we didn't live her last year). I was trying to teach Kelsey to say 'trick or treat' during the day and she came up with something that sounded kind of similar. :) Braden was a GI Joe Ninja, Kayla was a witch, Brooklyn was Rapunzel and Kelsey was a gnome. Brooklyn's Rapunzel wig turned out to be a bit of a mess so she finally ended up taking it off, but it didn't keep her from making sure she got to go to every house for candy! There were a lot of families out walking around and it was a really fun night. I think Mike and I were more exhausted than the kids were by the time we got back home! Needless to say it was hard for the kids to get up for school the next morning. :) Thursday Brooklyn got to go back to school. Her rash was much better and she hadn't had a fever for a week so we felt like it was fine for her to go. On our way there, she said, "I bet my 'tends' are saying 'where is brooklyn?" She did well at school and I got to take Kelsey to her gym class again so that was really fun. This weekend was filled with soccer Saturday and Sunday for Braden, but now our soccer season is over. It has been great to get to know families on both Braden and Kayla's teams and the kids have really enjoyed getting to play with new friends too. We have been truly blessed with wonderful friends everywhere we have lived and have felt so supported by our friends through this entire process. Tonight when I was getting Brooklyn ready for bed I was just looking at her thinking, why did you get cancer? How did that happen? It's not fair. She is really so sweet and loving and has such a big heart. I know that she is doing well and everything is going according to schedule and that she will come through all of this as a stronger person, completely cured and great, but until that time comes, it's still hard to see her having to battle this disease. It is hard to know if she acts feisty just because she's strong willed and she is three or if it's because she feels terrible and doesn't know how to express it. It's hard to have to always consider where we are going for the day and if it is a good idea for her to go to a certain place or not. It stinks to have to make sure that no one has a cold if they are coming over to our house. She seems like she is doing great and plays like any normal kid, but as our trip to the hospital showed us last week, we have to be so cautious all the time. And the thing is, we will probably never know where she picked up the virus so it's not like we can just say, well, we won't go there again. You think that you always want a hedge of protection around your kids to make sure they are safe and healthy, with her it's like we need a six foot fence. We know that we are going to get through this time though and that God has a plan for Brooklyn and for our family. Like it says in one of the songs we sing at church, "my faith shall be my guide."   

So Happy Together

Tuesday morning the doctors came in and told me that the results had come back positive for the varicella virus. They didn't have a definitive answer yesterday or today as to whether it is chicken pox or shingles, however since they are both a strand of the varicella virus, the treatment is the same. Brooklyn has been taking an anti-viral medication since Monday which helps the virus from getting too bad or spreading too rapidly and also helps her recover faster. She has consistently had a fever of over 100 until today so she has been pretty wiped out. She hasn't been itching her leg too much, but will start to scratch after her benadryl wears off. She has also complained that the bumps hurt, so the tylenol has helped her with that too. Tuesday was a long day after a restless night of sleep Monday night. She handled everything really well though. We painted again and we covered almost every inch of wall space in our room with the pictures she painted. It was a fun way to decorate the room and bring some joy into our day. Mike had to work all day and then went home to have dinner with the kids and hang out with them for awhile before he came to the hospital. Brooklyn was so happy to see him & loved the pictures Braden and Kayla had colored for her. They really missed her being home with them. Mike stayed the night with Brookie so I could go home to see the other kids since I hadn't seen them since Sunday. I got home after they were in bed so I only got to see them for about an hour this morning before I went back to the hospital, but it was great. Kayla gave me about 100 hugs and said, "I haven't seen your smile until a long time." :) It is such a different experience being in the hospital this time. When we were there in January, it was kind of like time stopped for us. I wasn't aware of anything outside the hospital walls. It was all so shocking and scary and there were so many decisions we had to make so quickly, it was like an emotional whirlwind. I knew that our family and friends were taking care of the other kids, and they were able to come visit us at the hospital almost every day. We definitely had not planned to spend the first half of our week in the hospital this week, but it was a different feeling this time. We were definitely worried and concerned about Brooklyn being sick and wanting her to get better as soon as possible, but it wasn't as scary or emotional as it was in January. Once the doctors said that it was varicella and they felt that it was under control and they weren't worried about her, it was easier to relax. It is definitely not where I want to hang out on a regular basis, but I know some of the nurses now so that is nice and I know how to check out movies for us to watch and I know where the water machine was - simple things but things that help make our stay more bearable. It was also weird because I was so much more aware of what was happening in our regular life. My mom has been awesome and stayed at our house to watch the kids and take care of everything for us while we haven't been there, but there were still things on my mind to handle. Braden has a book report due this week and a poster due and I had to arrange for pick ups and drop offs for school and soccer. My mom has handled most of it, but we have had some really amazing friends helping us too. It is so nice to know how willing people are to help. After I took Kayla to school this morning I went back to the hospital so Mike could go into work. When I got there they were both pretty tired because Brooklyn kept waking up saying her legs hurt last night. I had missed the doctor coming in, but he told Mike that she was going to need to stay another day. I had figured that might happen, so I had packed extra clothes for us just in case. Our home nurse, Heidi, was working at the hospital today so we got to have her for our nurse, which was so nice. She talked to the doctor some more about how Brooklyn was doing and he ended up saying that we could go home this afternoon. We have the anti-viral medication to give her as well as tylenol and benadryl if she needs it. The rash is so much better today than it was yesterday, so we are hoping that it continues to improve and doesn't spread. Heidi is coming out tomorrow morning to check on Brooklyn and make sure that everything is getting better. I was so happy that we were going home! She seemed to be  feeling better & her fever was down, so she was much more active today and wasn't loving being cramped in a hospital room so she was pretty feisty. I could tell she was pretty tired too and she finally took a nap. When she woke up, Heidi unhooked her IV and I gave her a shower and we got outta there! In typical Frank fashion, we had an entire wagon-full of stuff to take down to the car with us when we left. :) Most of it was the pictures she painted and our snacks we accumulated over 3 days. She was so excited to get home to see her brother and sisters & it was so great to all sit down together for dinner tonight. We are hoping that Kelsey doesn't come down with chicken pox since she hasn't been able to get the vaccine and that Brooklyn heals quickly and is feeling better & ready for trick-or-treating Monday night! We also haven't talked to our main Oncologist about this little hospital stay yet, but Brooklyn has been off her chemo since we went in Sunday night, and will not start taking it again until she is done taking the medication for this virus, so we hope it doesn't set back her treatment plan too much. Thank you for all of your continued support and prayers for our family. :)

Tough Cookie

It has been a long week for our little Brookie. Last Monday we went to see her Oncologist. He said everything was looking good and she is right on track with her treatment. I took her to the infusion room after we met with the doctor and she got her monthly dose of chemo through her port. It was amazing because it is the kind that they just "push" in rather than putting it in an IV drip at a slower pace, so it only took us about 30 minutes. I asked the nurse if that was the kind we would get the rest of this maintenance time and she said yes. It was so weird to think that we won't have those long days at the infusion room anymore. It is like we are running in to a store or running an errand - it is done so quickly. In fact, it's quicker than a trip to the store! The type of chemo she got is the kind that can make her legs ache and that made her walk on her toes in the past, so we knew that was something to watch out for. Tuesday she said that her legs were itchy before she went to school, but they looked ok and she was walking fine so we figured that was her way of describing that they were hurting, so we rubbed them and it seemed to make her feel better. Her teachers rubbed them a little bit at school too, but overall she was feeling pretty good. She had to start steroids again Monday night too. Since she is only on them for 5 days per month now, she never really gets to the super hungry stage, which is a good thing because all she wants to eat these days is salami, gogurt and candy. Suuuuper healthy! Throughout the rest of the week she would say her legs were itchy sometimes, but she played with the other kids and was acting pretty normal. Her emotions did seem to get pretty dramatic as the week progressed. She would be happy one minute and then yelling the next. It had to be either from all the drugs she is taking or maybe she had the beginning of a virus and it was making her feel bad because she would get worked up to a point that she would end up crying. When she gets to that point, I usually just hug her until she calms down. It is hard to see her get so crazy from all the medicine. We had a fun family movie night Friday night at home. It was great to just all hang out together and relax after a busy week. Saturday we had soccer games for Braden and Kayla and then Kayla went home with my parents and Braden went to Jeanne & Jack's. It was crazy for us to have just two little ones at home! Although, as Mike pointed out, we didn't have the quiet ones. :) We had friends over for dinner and played games after the girls went to bed. Brooklyn seemed especially emotional, acting happy then mad then sad. Sunday morning when she woke up she had a big rash all over her leg. She had had a couple bumps on her leg last Monday morning but they were really nothing concerning. I thought maybe she had scraped her knee or it was just a couple little random bumps and they hadn't changed all week so we didn't think much about them. However, yesterday when she woke up, it had spread all around her knee and up her thigh. We thought we would just wait and see how it acted during the day but by the evening it had gotten considerably worse. We called the on-call doctor and I sent him a picture of her leg and he thought it was strange looking but that we could wait to get it looked at until Monday morning. However, when I went in to check on her at 10:00, she had a fever of 102. We called the doctor back and knew that we had to go into to the ER. Our good friend Talacey came over to stay with the other kids and Mike and I went to the hospital. We had to stand and wait a little while until we got back into a room and Brooklyn was not feeling well because of her fever and she kept saying her rash hurt. They did a chest x-ray to rule out punomea and then did a blood draw from her port to see if she had an infection in it. New protocol also requires that she gets blood drawn from another spot to see if she has any kind of infection in her body at all, so she had to get poked in her hand but that didn't work, so they drew blood from her arm. Then the doctor tried to cut open one of her bumps to get a sample to see what exactly the rash is on her leg. She was sleeping while he did it so it didn't bother her much. Then they told us that she was going to have to get checked into the hospital until we had the results back from her labs. Mike went home so he could get the kids ready for school in the morning and Brooklyn and I got upstairs a little before 7:00am. Apparently the sample they took in the morning from her rash wasn't good enough so a doctor had to come in this afternoon to get another sample. She cut open one of the bumps on her rash and poked a stick in it to get a sample for the lab. It was really painful and Brooklyn was crying and asking the doctor to stop & not poke her with the stick again. It was so sad. She has been so brave this whole time, she has had to continually take medicine - tylenol for her fever that keeps coming back and benadryl to help with the itching and pain of the rash. She has given herself the medicine, even when she doesn't want to and luckily I brought gumdrops to reward her bravery. :) We are in isolation because they don't want to expose any of the other kids on the floor to chicken pox just in case that's what she has. It is nice because we have our own room, but a bummer because Brooklyn can't leave the room at all. They brought in some paints and an easel for her to color with today though, so that was really fun, we decorated our room with all of the beautiful paintings. They expect us to be here until at least Wednesday when we get the results back from all of her cultures. Thank you for your messages, your thoughts and prayers, especially while we are in the "hopsidal."

The Wish

I haven't written for so long! I don't have a good reason, Mike and I didn't get sick, we weren't out of town, I don't know, I guess we've just been busy. We've been having fun over the last two weeks. Brooklyn has been feeling really good and doing an amazing job taking her medicine every day. She has been really into asserting her independence lately. That's a nice way to say she is being stubborn and not listening. :) I'm not into talking back and defiance, so there have been some long days, but I also know that she could totally be feeling crappy from all the medicine she has to take. Her hair is really starting to grow back and it is the softest thing you've ever felt. She is so cute and looks great as it's growing in. We almost have to comb it in the morning because she gets a little bit of bed-hair when she wakes up. :) The kids have picked out their costumes for Halloween and when you ask Brooklyn who she's going to be she says, "Mapunzel, let down your hair." She is going to be the cutest little Rapunzel!! She got to spend the night at my aunt and uncle's last weekend. Both Braden and Kayla have gotten to spend the night there on their own and they enjoy it so much. They get to go to the golf course and then go to dinner and play games. It is so nice that they each get to have one-on-one time with their Nana & Bumpa. We weren't sure if we should let her have a turn on her own yet or not. We haven't spent much time away from her since January and worry about her getting sick. However, her blood counts have still been okay and she's been feeling good so we figured it was a good time for her to go. And Jeanne and Jack only live 20 minutes from us, so she wasn't too far away. She had so much fun. It is hard because I want so badly for things to just be normal. I want her to feel good all the time. I want to think that she's talking back just because she's 3 and not because she is feeling nautious or lethargic from chemotherapy. I know that things aren't that way now though and I am actually so incredibly thankful for how good we are doing. She is getting to go to school, she doesn't have to go to the doctor or the infusion room as often, and we are able to go out and do things in public. We are extremely blessed. We haven't had to go in to the hospital for an extended stay and as a whole, our family is doing really well with everything. Monday, I had to take all the kids to the pediatrician because Braden had his yearly physical. There was some kind of issue going on with another kid so the 5 of us waited in the room for the doctor for almost an hour. We read every book they had, we sang songs, and we played Simon Says. The doctor felt bad that we had to wait so long, so he let us get our flu shots instead of having to come back on their "flu clinic" day. The kids weren't thrilled that they had to get shots because I hadn't warned them, but they did great. It was amazing to see how tough Brooklyn was, she didn't even flinch. They helped me pick out a baby present after we were done and then we went right to Baskin Robbins for a treat. They deserved it! Thursday, Brooklyn's preschool had a field trip to the pumpkin patch. Kelsey came along with us and it was fun riding on the trailers out to the field to pick our pumpkins and getting time to play with our friends. We had fun this weekend too. We had soccer on Saturday and after church today we went to Napa. Mike has to work there about once a month, so we went along with him and had lunch together and then I took the kids to a couple parks in the area. It was such a beautiful day, we had a great time. It was fun to get out of town and spend time together as a family. I was thinking as Brooklyn was climbing one of the play structures and running around after her brother and sister that it is so wonderful that she is able to do all of that with all that she has been through. At one of the parks Brooklyn picked a flower and said, "I wish to be happily eder after. The end." and then tried to blow it like a dandelion. That is what I wish too, for all of us.

Sharing

Today is the first day since last Monday that someone hasn't thrown up. That's right, we cannot be accused of not sharing! We shared the stomach bug all around! Kayla stayed home Monday - Wednesday and then Thursday everyone seemed fine, all the kids went to school and it seemed like we were on the mend. But then Braden got it Friday morning, Brooklyn got it Friday night and Kelsey Saturday night. What is that saying? A family that pukes together stays together? Oh, that's not it. :) Luckily Mike and I seemed to avoid it, so hopefully we won't have any surprises in the next few days! Through this week, I have become thankful for things that I never knew I would be so thankful for. I am super thankful that Mike and I haven't gotten the bug, I am also super thankful that this strand of the flu didn't come with a fever because that would've sent us to the hospital with Brooklyn. I am also very thankful that I have a good washing machine to wash all the towels and sheets we have been going through! Thursday Braden had a minimum day at school so I wanted to do something fun with the kids since I thought everyone was healthy. It was a hot day so we walked across the street and went to the splash park. We used to go to the that park before we ever moved here because it is really fun and there is a great water area for the kids to play. However, ever since we've lived here, walking distance to the park, we haven't been able to go. When Brooklyn had her Broviak in, it wasn't something we could do because her dressing couldn't get all wet without having to change it right away and so we just never went this summer. It was so much fun going on Thursday because we were almost the only ones there, it was like we had the whole park to ourselves. It was Kelsey's first time at a water park and she loved it! We had a pretty mellow weekend since everyone was recovering or still feeling sick. It was nice to slow down a little and not be so busy actually. This morning Brooklyn's home nurse came over to check her blood counts. Everything came back good so that is great news. She hasn't been eating much, but I think that is because her stomach is still hurting a bit. She has been doing great taking her medicine every day though, so that is truly a blessing. I'm sure she gets tired of having to do it everyday, I feel like it's a lot just remembering what she takes on which days. Hopefully everyone will be feeling great by the end of the week and we will all be back to our "new normal." Thank you for your continued prayers for our family.

The Bug

Mike and I both had a cold last week. It is amazing how bad a stupid cold can make you feel. It only lasted a few days, but all I wanted to do was sleep the whole time. Of course I couldn't; I still did everything as normal, I went to gym class with Kelsey, got to work in Braden's class and had lots of soccer practices. But, after I felt better, it made me wonder how Brooklyn really feels every day. She is usually always in a good mood and ready for anything. Now, that isn't to say that she doesn't get feisty or stubborn with the rest of them, but for what she's going through, she always acts like everything is fine. Whenever I ask her how she's feeling, she will say, "I'm teeling tine." Every once in a while, she will say, "I'm not teeling great Mom" but those times are rare. So I wonder, does she really feel bad every day, but she still goes on about her way like I did when I had a cold? Or, does she really feel okay? I can't imagine all the drugs that we are pumping into her right now would make her feel normal, although, it's been so long since she knew what normal feels like, that maybe she has a "new" normal. My parents are out of town this week, so we brought all the kids with us to church on Sunday. It was the first time Brooklyn has been able to go to church since she was diagnosed back in January. We didn't want her to go into childcare, just to try to prevent germs from other little 3 year olds, so we brought her into church with us. She was incredibly quiet during the service and at the end of church while the band was playing, Mike was holding her on the chair in front of her and she was just listening very intently, trying to sing along and even held her hand up for awhile. It was incredible to see such a little girl feeling so moved and so close to God. Mike and I are not really "hand raisers" and there aren't a ton of people at our church that are, so to see her do it was so sweet. I know she has a special connection with God and He is holding her through this tough time in her life. Monday morning, Kayla woke up sick. She got all ready for school and then went and threw up. So, it was quite a juggling act to keep her home and keep the other kids away from her. I really didn't want anybody else to get sick so I wouldn't let the girls hang out with her during the day. Brooklyn was so upset about it. She is so used to playing with Kayla when she is home that she didn't understand why she couldn't. She kept pouting and saying, "Everybody is hurting my teelings." Kayla stayed home again today, although she was feeling much better and so far no one else has gotten sick. Brooklyn had a spinal tap this morning. It is such a treat to walk in to the surgery center with her because all the nurses just love her! We walk in and everyone says, Hiiii Brooklyn! and gives her high-5's and smiles. She did a great job once again and woke up happy after her anesthesia wore off. We got home and hung out with the other kids the rest of the afternoon. Watching her go through so much for so long really puts our little colds or flu bugs into perspective. The best part is that we're all getting better.

Time Flies

I am not big into cliches. I don't go around saying "live and learn" or "life's short" but I do have to say... "time flies"! Braden turned 8 on Monday and I can't believe that he is so old already! It has hit me lately when I've gone in to check in on him at night and he is getting so tall he almost reaches both ends of his bed! It is so much fun watching all of our kids get bigger. Last week when we went to preschool Tuesday morning, as soon as we got there, Brooklyn threw up in the parking lot. I wasn't sure what we should do, so I asked her if she wanted to go back home and she said, "No, I miss my 'tends'. I want to go to 'cool and play with them." I was staying at church for Mom's group that morning anyway, so I told her teachers that if she didn't seem to feel good, they could come get me. I went to check on her halfway through the morning and she was playing outside, happy as could be, but once she saw me, she wanted to hang out with me the rest of the time, so we did. Thursday she was much better and didn't get sick and was happy the whole morning. That morning was also the first time I took Kelsey to "My Gym." I have taken all the kids there when they were little and I love it. I can't believe I'm taking Kelsey now! Thursday morning is the only time that it is just the two of us hanging out together for a couple hours so I am so glad that we are getting to do something fun together. And she is such a little monkey that she just loves climbing and playing there! Saturday we had soccer games for both Braden and Kayla and then had Braden's birthday party at a Lazer Tag place. It was so much fun playing with the kids and celebrating the day together. Brooklyn even played with us. She wore the big vest that was almost bigger than she was for about half the game and then took it off because it was so heavy, but she had such a fun time. We celebrated again Sunday with my family and had another fun day. Monday we met with the oncologist. They congratulated us that we are now in the "maintenance phase" of Brooklyn's treatment. That basically means that we do the same thing over and over for the next year and a half. It was a little overwhelming to have the nurse tell us that this would be our schedule until April of 2013. I think it has been kind of a good thing to meet with the doctor every month or so to get our new schedule for treatment because it has broken up all appointments and medicines into smaller time frames so it doesn't seem too daunting. To hear that we have to do the same treatment for the next year and a half, was a lot to take in. And I also think our idea of "maintenance" was that it would be a lot easier, but it's not. She will only have to have a spinal tap once every three months, so that is good, and we will only have to go in for chemo once a month, so that is good too, but there is a lot more that we have to do at home. She had to go to the infusion room yesterday after school for chemo and then last night we started all the medication at home. Five days every month she has to take steroids again, once a week she has to take 5 pills of one type of chemo and then every night for the next year and a half she has to take another chemo pill. And she still has to take her antibiotic 3 days a week. I know that it will soon be routine, and hopefully she will learn to take them as well as she does her antibiotic every weekend, but it is a new battle once again. We crush the pills and have been mixing them with gatorade to mask the taste as much as possible. Last night she threw a fit taking the first syringe but then admitted that it wasn't that bad and she just liked to complain. :) She is a crack up sometimes. She did better today with taking them, but it still stinks that she has to do so much. They are trying to regulate her ANC level to be between 500 and 1500. It has been a lot higher the last few months which is great because it is showing that she is able to fight off infection and has been remaining pretty healthy. Now though, they want to give her as much chemo as her body can handle to ensure that the leukemia doesn't come back, but not let her immune system dip too low so that she is at risk for fighting off infections. It is crazy how much the doctors know about treating these kids. I am so appreciative of all the research that has been done to help find a cure for this cancer, and although it seems like a long haul, I know that "time flies" and we'll be through it in no time.

Cute Little Toes

Tuesday morning Brooklyn went to preschool again. I was very interested to see how she would do since the week before her teachers said she got tired before the day was over. They said she was great all morning though so I was so happy. It made me feel better about her going to school and not worry as much that it is too much for her to handle. When I picked her up, we went straight down to the infusion room to get her blood drawn. Since the day before was Labor Day, our home nurse hadn't come out so we had to go to the infusion room. They said it would take about an hour to get the results back so we went over to Jamba Juice to have some lunch. It was a pretty day so we found a table to sit at outside and enjoyed hanging out together. She was so cute - she said, "This is my best day eder Mom." How many people can say it's their best day ever when they have to get blood drawn and then go in for chemo? She continues to amaze me. It is so funny because Mike and I have said lately that it is easy for us to forget that she's sick because she is doing so well and usually feels so good. She is spunky and fights with her brother and sisters, but is also the sweetest little girl you've ever met. It is weird when I glance at a picture of her hanging in our hallway with her hair long because I am so used to her not having any hair now. She really looks great without hair! But I am reminded regularly that she is sick since we are living in a new neighborhood and the kids are at a new school. So many families at our old school knew us and knew that Brookie got Leukemia in January and would always ask how she was doing when I would pick up Braden. It is weird to be at a new school and have her with me all the time because I know people look at her and wonder why she is bald or what is wrong with her and it's not like I just walk around with a sign saying "she has leukemia." The people that I have told have all been very nice and concerned for how she is doing with her treatment, but it is always a little strange to know when the right time is to explain it. I think we are so used to living with our new schedule and treatment and doctor's appointments, that we don't stop to think - oh my gosh, she has leukemia. It is really sad if you think about it. You never want anything bad to happen to your children and you never think your child will get cancer, so it is pretty shocking that it has all happened so quickly. I think having a schedule drawn out for us and having good doctors and nurses has helped us get through these first few months, but I also know that our strength comes from God. He lifts us up on those days that seem extra hard and carries us through til we are okay again. Tuesday turned out to be a long one for us. After our lunch, we went back to the infusion room for her chemo, but had to wait awhile for it to come over from the pharmacy so we didn't leave to go home until 5:00. The next day, we ran some errands, went to a doctor's appointment for Kelsey, and then had soccer practice for both Kayla and Braden and I could tell that Brookie was tired. The next morning she was supposed to go to preschool, but as soon as she got up and came downstairs, she threw up, so she didn't go. She was so sweet because at about 11:00, she said, "otay mom, I want to go to 'tool' now." She has been singing 'Jesus Loves Me' since she started school and it is so cute because she doesn't know all of the lines yet so when she was singing it in the car the other day she sang, "Jesus loves me in my toe, tor the Bible tells me so." :) I think I might start singing it that way now! We had a pretty mellow weekend. My mom stayed with us because Mike and my dad both went on the men's retreat with our church. The kids love having GaGa here and it was fun for us to get to hang out for a couple days together! The week ahead shouldn't be too busy, so hopefully Brooklyn will feel good all week, all the way from her head down to her toes.

Get Outta Town

It has been crazy busy around here once again. Brooklyn is still enjoying school and is actually mad that she doesn't get to go every day. She has only gone four times, but she loves it! Although last week, her teachers said that she got tired towards the end of the day and wanted to rest. It is hard for me to hear that because it makes me wonder if school is too much for her right now, or if she is just playing it up so that she gets to spend some special time reading books with our wonderful preschool director. She rarely sits down when she's at home playing with her brother and sisters, and she is only at school for 3 hours. But at the same time, I know it is still much different being in an environment that she hasn't been in before and being around more kids might be putting more pressure on her and tiring her out more than usual. Last Friday I worked in Kayla's class in the morning, which was great. It was so much fun to see her interacting with the other kids and to start to get to know her teacher and her new friends. My mom met me at school with Brooklyn about 10:45 and she and I went down to the infusion room to get her port accessed before her spinal tap at 1:00. It always stinks when she gets a Friday surgery day because she can't eat all morning. So basically she didn't eat since dinner the night before and couldn't even drink after 9:00am. I felt bad because I didn't know how she would handle not eating and I just had to leave her with my mom so I could work in Kayla's class! As usual, Brooklyn did amazingly well. She was in good spirits, as usual, as we went over to the surgery center and even though they were running behind schedule, she was great and didn't complain that she couldn't eat. We played with the heart monitor stickers and read books while we waited. After the surgery, we had some snacks and then went back over to the infusion room for chemo. She seemed to feel okay after her chemo and didn't ever get sick at home this last week. Braden and Kayla have been busy with school and homework and soccer, but really doing great with all of it. Kelsey is as funny as ever. She is starting to learn some more words but is still at great at screaming when she wants some attention. :) This weekend we got to go up to Tahoe for the wedding of our good friends Mason and Jen. My parents came with us to help watch the kids while we were at the wedding events, and it was such a great weekend. It was so much fun to just get out of town and have a mini-vacation. We really haven't been able to go to far out of town as a family since Brooklyn was diagnosed because we have had to be here for treatment so often and also because we don't want to be too far away from the hospital and our doctors in case she gets sick. The kids loved Tahoe, we went to the beach every day and built sand castles with my dad, and the weather was great. They painted at the house with my mom and dad and one day even got their faces painted. They always think it's fun to stay somewhere new. Last night there were fireworks over the lake and we got to watch them with the wonderful Hibbard family. It was beautiful & the kids loved it. Today on our way home we stopped at Apple Hill and the kids got to pick apples off the trees in an orchard. Of course, since it was the last thing we did, I think they all said it was their favorite part of the weekend. It is nice that they are so easily entertained. :) Brooklyn has school again tomorrow and then I am taking her straight to the infusion room. She didn't have her blood checked today since it was a holiday, so we will have to go in to have her blood counts read and then wait for the results and then she'll get chemo, so it will be a long one. I know it will be good though. I always look forward to our time alone when we just get to be together. She is such a special girl.  

New Beginnings

Today was a big day! It was Brooklyn's first day of preschool! Yesterday, we went to see our pediatrician. Brooklyn has to go in for a check up while she's getting chemo every 30 days or so and we aren't scheduled to go to the oncologist until September, so we scheduled an appointment with the pediatrician b/c he is much closer to our house. He thought Brookie looked great and we talked about her treatment and the effects that the chemo could have and how she will do great throughout the process. It is so nice to have such a good doctor that is so genuinely concerned with how she is doing. After we finished with the doctor, we went to preschool to meet Brooklyn's teachers and her classmates. The oncologist told us a couple months ago that Brooklyn could go to preschool since she is getting to the maintenance portion of her treatment soon and hopefully her counts will stay high. I was excited that she was cleared to go because I know that she will enjoy it. She has been going to preschool for drop off and pick up for her brother and sister since she was born! She knows a lot of the teachers and is very comfortable there, so I was happy when he said that she could go this year. I'm also excited for her to make some of her own little friends, since she often only gets to play with her siblings and their friends. However, just the last few days I have started to wonder if it is the best idea. I do worry about her getting germs from other kids and how she will feel on the weeks that she is getting chemo, but I know we will just take it one day at a time. Her teachers know that she needs to be careful with germs and most of the kids in her class are families that we know, so they are aware of her more fragile condition and I know they will be cautious with sending their kids to school if they are sick. Even her pediatrician said he thought it would be good for her to go, so that reassured me a little more. If there were any doubts at all, she took care of them this morning. When we got in the car to leave for school, I couldn't find her hat, so I was asking her where it was. She said, "Why Momma? Are they not gonna like my head?" I said, "No sweetie, they will like your head." So she decided that she didn't need to take one today. Then, as we were driving to school, she said, "Are you gonna stay with me today?" I told her I would stay for awhile and she promptly told me that she was fine and didn't want me to. :) I am amazed at the strength of character she has at only 3 years old. It tugs at my heart when she says some things that she shouldn't know at such a young age. On our way to the doctor's office on Monday she asked if she had to give blood and cheered when I told her she didn't have to. She said, yea! No needles! Today after I picked her up, I stayed for awhile just to talk with her teachers about her care and how she might be feeling after she has chemo, and where her port is and that it will hurt if it gets hit or bumped and how the steroids may affect her mood. They told me that they talked about germs today and how it is important to wash hands and sneeze in their arms so they don't spread germs and get sick. One of her teachers said that Brooklyn said, "yea, I'm sick." And the boy next to her looked at her and patted her on the head and said, "You're not sick. You look fine."  The strength and the innocence that God gives to kids is something that is truly amazing. We went to "Tozen Yodurt" today after school at Brookie's request - we had to celebrate her big day. It was a good one. :)

Oh What a Week!

What a week! We had a wonderful time last weekend with family and friends in town for the tournament on Monday. We had a great day here Sunday, barbequing, swimming and just enjoying being together. Monday morning we woke up, got the older kids off to school, then Brooklyn's nurse came over to draw her blood, and we were off to the golf course! We met up with my mom there and she took Brooklyn and Kelsey back to her house for the day. My aunt picked up Braden and Kayla from school a little early so they could come out to the course for the afternoon too. It was so much fun to see friends from out of town that we haven't seen in awhile, as well as those that live in town that we don't get to see often enough. It was a beautiful day for golf and the winners of the tournament were really awesome. Oh wait - that was my group! HA!! No, it wasn't rigged, we were just that good. :) I got to play with my dad, our good friend Patricia and a very special friend of ours named Hailey. Hailey is 10 years old and quite a little golfer. When she heard about Brooklyn's tournament, she went around and raised money from friends and family so that she could come out to play. She even missed her first day of school to be there. It was such a touching act, Mike and I couldn't believe it. I had to make sure that she was in our group, and she was a huge part of our victory! She was so sweet afterwards, she gave Brooklyn a "get well soon" balloon that she had bought for her and talked with her for awhile. It was great. After dinner, Steve Holy and two of his bandmates put on an amazing show for us. I took Brooklyn over to meet him before the concert and he was so amazingly sweet and talked to us and wanted to hold her. His concert was awesome. It couldn't have been more perfect. It was so intimate and Steve kept talking to Brooklyn and telling stories, it was truly a night our family will never forget. We feel so incredibly blessed by the whole day, and thankful to have such amazing people surrounding us. It was a little tougher to wake up Tuesday morning for school, but we got everybody there on time. Then Brooklyn and I went down to the infusion room for chemo. I always have grand plans for all the stuff I want to get done while we are sitting there, but it never seems to happen. :)  This time, Brooklyn wanted to sit on my lap the whole time, I was kind of like her human recliner. It was good though, I really treasure these times when just the two of us are together. I never get tired of holding her hand or snuggling or getting big Brookie hugs. They were out of one of the anti-nausea medicines that they usually give her through her IV line, so they tried to just crush a pill and mix it with juice in a syringe for her. She didn't want to take it, and I was thankful we happened to be the only ones in the lab at that time b/c she was letting everyone know she didn't like it. :) When I finally got her to take it, she threw up right away. I decided that we didn't need to try again - we would just try to get by with the other kind they could put in her IV. I didn't want her to feel sick, but I didn't want to force her to take that medicine again either. Later she got her finger pinched in the chair, so it was a bit of a rough morning for her. That night we had back to school night at Braden's and Kayla's new school. Mike and I got a quick dinner afterward which was nice since we have been so busy lately. Wednesday we got the house picked up a little and then had soccer practice for both Braden and Kayla and then back to school night for Brooklyn's preschool. Thursday night we had our couples small group, so by Friday night we were exhausted. Friday after Kayla's soccer practice, the kids and I stayed for awhile and played kickball on the baseball field. It was really fun to just play and have fun together, and the kids got absolutely filthy - which they looooved. I am always happy when we take the time to just play and have fun together, especially during these days when there is so much on the schedule, it can seem like there is never time for that. Saturday, Braden and Kayla had their first soccer games! It was so much fun. I don't know what it is about soccer, but I can't stop yelling the whole time! I guess it is the inner soccer-mom coming out in me. Brooklyn had a great time because she got to have the snacks from both of the kids' games. It's great to be a younger sibling. :) Today we celebrated my dad's birthday at our house. We had a fun day swimming and playing baseball and eating cake of course! It was such a full week, but it was full of wonderful things, and I am so thankful and so happy that we are able to do all of them together.

School Days

I can't believe we are back at school already! It doesn't seem like it's time yet, but we have begun the craziness that is the school year. Tuesday, Brooklyn wasn't feeling well. I don't know why, because she is usually fine four days after her chemo, but she threw up all morning. She is so sweet because really tries her hardest to not make a mess. If she feels it coming, she will tell me, "I need a buttet" or she will run onto the tile so she doesn't throw up on the carpet. It is the sweetest thing, it just breaks your heart because she will be fine and playing and then rush to the kitchen and bend over and throw up. We were out of the anti-nausea medicine that actually works well and doesn't taste horrible so I felt so bad for her. All that she is wanting to eat this week is Kix and pepperoni. Awesome - the diet of champions! She started to feel better in the afternoon so we ran out and did a couple errands and met up with Mike and they picked up her anti-nausea medicine, so that has helped her the last few days. Wednesday we hung out at home and relaxed all morning since it was the last day before school started. We swam and just played and Brooklyn was feeling better, so it was nice. Then we had to go to school for Kindergarten orientation. Kayla got to go into her new class and meet her teachers while the parents went into the gym and different staff members talked to us about the school year. I had Braden, Brooklyn and Kelsey with me too so I only heard about every fifth word because I was trying to keep everyone relatively quiet in the back of the room. :) We came home for about 30 minutes to refill our water bottles and then went back to school to find out who Braden had for his teacher and where his classroom was. From there we rushed to Kayla's soccer practice and after that over to Braden's practice. After dinner, we got the kids down and then we pretty much crashed on the couch too! Thursday morning both Braden and Kayla woke up on their own, I think they were excited for their first day. Mike worked from home so I got to take Kayla just by herself to her first day. Our school is a little crazy because Kayla starts at 8:00 for morning kindergarten but Braden (and the rest of the grades) start at 9:00. She was a little hesitant but was fine when I left and was playing with stuff in the classroom. I came home, made Braden's lunch and then took him to school. Both of us were pretty nervous since this is a whole new school for us so he doesn't know anyone. I was nervous for him because he is pretty shy when he is in a new situation even though he normally is the life of the party (which can lead to trouble since he doesn't always realize that school is not a party!) I was worried about who both of them would play with and who Braden would sit with at lunch, ugh! I just wanted to stay in both their classes with them! Brooklyn was a little jealous that the older two got to go to school and can't wait until she gets to go. Kayla was happy when I picked her up and couldn't wait to go back the next day and can't wait til she gets homework. Braden did fine too, really likes his teacher but didn't really play with anyone yet. They were both excited when they got home though because they couldn't wait to see their cousins. Mike's brother & his family came to town Thursday night to stay with us and so the kids couldn't wait to see them. Friday the kids did great at school again and then we all went to Kayla's soccer practice after school and the kids played on the playground with Uncle Brian and Aunt Amanda. Saturday the rest of the Franks came to town so we are partying it up at our house! We are excited to get to spend time all together and looking forward to the tournament and concert on Monday.

Holy Moley

They say that true friends are with you through thick and thin and over the last six months we have definitely seen how many true friends we have. Not that we didn't know that we had good friends before Brooklyn was diagnosed, but it has been especially apparent to us during these crazy days we are experiencing now. We received so many cards and gifts in those first few weeks, it all is kind of a blur now - we were in such a state of shock and learning and adjusting that I don't think we really realized what was going on. Then when our friends planned the event at the winery, it was so amazing. We had friends fly in from all over just to show us their support and it meant so much to us then and it still does today. Now, next Monday is the tournament that more friends have set up to help support Brooklyn through these few years. I know how much work it takes to put on a tournament, and the fact that people are taking time out of their busy schedules to plan something for us is so incredibly touching. It is hard for me to accept help; I would much rather be the one planning this event for someone else. But it is such a testament to how truly blessed we are to have such amazing people in our lives. I am also so excited that Steve Holy is coming out to put on a concert after the tournament. We have never met him, but he is a friend of one of our friends and said he would be happy to come out to play for the event. We are so grateful and thankful that Steve would offer to come out to the golf course for such a small event. He is a very popular country star who has had two #1 hits and we love his music! I know it is hard to get out on a Monday night, and a lot of the schools in our area are starting that day, but if you can make it out Monday night, I know it will be a really fun time! The love and support that we have felt from family and friends throughout this diagnosis has made me realize how lucky we are and know that other families that are going through this exact same thing don't have the amazing support system that we have had. I don't know in what fashion or exact way yet, but in the future, I would like to help other families that have children going through treatment. Donating presents for the kids, putting together helpful information packets for parents, making of list of things they will need, or just visiting the hospital and playing with sick kids, I know that some or all of these things are things I want to do someday. I know that right now we have a lot going on so I probably don't need to take on something else right yet, but I would love to help people feel supported throughout the scary time they are going through with their child the way that we have. Thank you all for your continued prayers, messages and support. We are truly grateful.

Horsin' Around

This was the last full week we have before school starts! I can't believe it! I feel like the summer has flown by & I don't want it to be over! I love being home with all the kids and just hanging out or going places together and having fun. I love that they can sleep in and not have homework or really too much to do at all. But, the routines and homework and busyness all starts again next week. Braden and Kayla start school next Thursday and they both started soccer practice this week. In my state of freaking out over the end of summer, I planned as many play dates and fun things to do this week as possible. Shocking, I know. That's just my style. :) It was really fun to get together with some friends that we haven't played with for a long time on both Monday and Tuesday and Tuesday night we went to Leatherby's to celebrate Braden and Kayla doing so well in Jr. Golf this year. The kids were super excited to have such yummy ice cream sundaes and even Kelsey got to eat some! She is somewhat of a 'toothless wonder' considering the fact that she eats all kinds of food yet just barely broke through her fourth tooth at 14 months! Craziness. Wednesday, we went to horse camp. I had just signed up Kayla and Brooklyn (Braden said he didn't want to do it), but we all went because I wanted to make sure that Brookie was okay with everything. The woman that runs that camp is amazing. She is so nice and laid back and was so welcoming to all of the kids at camp. Kayla went one day last summer and she remembered all our kids from last year. Braden ended up doing everything that the girls got to do and she even let him ride at the end of the day too. They loved the morning and Brooklyn smiled the whole time, even while she was picking up horse poop! Thursday we mostly hung out at home in the morning, but I took the kids to a fun park not far from our house in the afternoon. I had a hard time getting them to leave! This morning Brooklyn and I went down to the infusion room for chemo. When we got there, I stopped and said, uh oh! One of the nurses laughed and said - "Did you forget the emla?" I totally forgot to put the numbing cream on Brooklyn's port before we left. I thought about it twice but then we were so busy getting stuff together before we left, and we had to go by the elementary school to drop off Kayla's shot records, so I completely forgot to put it on! They had some at the infusion room, so we put it on right away and just had to wait about 30 minutes before we could start her treatment. I'm pretty sure my brain is never going to be the same again. I told a friend the other day that I was just getting over 'pregnancy brain', am currently in 'chemo brain' and when this is over I'm just going to be old and not remember anything! :) Brookie did great with her chemo and with the needle again, just like she always does. She is so funny and is always concerned that the nurse is 'weally caretul' when she takes the needle out. She has never had a bad experience with it, so I'm not sure why that is what she's worried about. When we were done, we picked up lunch and went to visit with our friends that are moving to Palo Alto and then went home. My aunt had been here with the kids all morning and then took Braden home with her for the night. The kids love having one-on-one time with my mom and dad or aunt and uncle, so it is so nice when they get to do that. Kayla had her first soccer practice this afternoon so the girls and I went to that and got home about 6:00. Mike got home a little after we did and had to leave right away for his softball game. We were planning to go watch, but it was obvious Brooklyn wasn't feeling very well. She told me at one point that she had "allergies" and she could feel them in her tummy. It is so cute that she doesn't exactly know how to describe how she's feeling. A little later she said she needed a bucket to throw up, but just dry heaved. I got some of the anti-nausea medicine to give her, but it took 10 minutes of convincing and arguing to get her to take it. It is hard to explain to a 3 year old that if she takes the medicine, she will feel better. All she knows is she is tired of medicine and it doesn't taste good so she wants nothing to do with it. As soon as I finally shot it in her mouth, she started gagging and threw up. Luckily I turned her quick enough to angle her to throw up on the mat in front of the slider so she didn't throw up on the carpet in the family room. After she threw up she said she felt better and wanted to go to Mike's game, but I just took the girls up and got them in bed. It was a long week but a really good one. I love hanging out with our kids and with friends and I will miss the lazy days of summer, but it is exciting to start a new year with new friends too.