Charging Through

What a difference a couple days can make. Saturday morning, Mike and I decided to try a new way (again) to get Brookie to take the steroids. We crush the pills and then add some juice to them and put it all in a syringe. It is great because the juice makes them taste a little better and we can shoot it in her cheek even if her teeth are clenched shut. She still doesn't want to take them, but it is SO much better! It only takes 5 - 10 minutes to get everything in her instead of 30 - 45. And it is way less dramatic, which is good. Mike and Brooklyn went to Costco Saturday morning to pick up some more of her antibiotic, and she threw up as soon as they walked in the door. I don't think it was from the steroids, and luckily it was about 2 hours since we had given them to her, so we didn't have to give them to her again. I think that she must be feeling bad from the chemo on Friday. It is hard though because she doesn't let us know she isn't feeling good, so we haven't given her the anti-nausea meds very often because she always seems to be feeling fine, so we don't know she is sick until she throws up. She threw up again when they got home and again this morning, so we have been giving her the anti-nausea medicine along with her antibiotics and steroids. It's crazy to see 3 syringes sitting next to each other, but we just get through them one after the other, and she has been doing great. It is sad because she doesn't want to take any medicine anymore. I think she is just sick of all of it, even though they don't all taste bad. She will cross her arms and say, "Me not gonna take my medicine eder again." She is so sweet. Her nurse comes over in the morning to get her blood counts, so hopefully they will still be good, this round of chemo could make them go down a little. When I was reading my Bible yesterday, I read these verses in 2 Samuel and they reminded me that God is carrying us through this time. "God is my strong fortress, and He makes my way perfect. He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights." I may not think of this time as perfect, but I know there is a reason we are experiencing it, and God's plan is much better than mine ever is.

Steroids Stink

It was a rough week in the Frank house. After starting the steroids again with Brookie Tuesday night, it has gotten worse each time she has had to take them. It is absolutely emotionally draining. Tonight it took 45 minutes of straight crying and screaming and flailing before we got her to take them. We had to go to the infusion lab again today for Brooklyn to get more chemo. It was one that goes in her IV and it took about 2 1/2 hours or so. She did well, they worry about an allergic reaction with the kind she got today, so it made me nervous. The nurse said it is usually with breathing and it is pretty intense and immediate. She did great though and had no problems. She wasn't into watching a movie and ended up falling asleep in my lap. I talked to the nurse about getting the steroids in the liquid form like we had last time because I figured it might be easier to just shoot it in her mouth instead of making her take 14 pills a day, but apparently there is a shortage of that drug so it is only available in pill form right now. Awesome. She suggested putting them in gummy bears, so I tried that tonight, but she didn't want anything to do with them. Then I tried to put them in a peanut butter cup, but she wouldn't try it. Finally I put yogurt on the spoon with them because the ice cream has been melting because she puts up such a fuss. It is awful. She has learned to cry with her mouth closed so that we can't get the medicine in there. To sit on top of her and force her mouth open while she is screaming and crying and making up excuses why she can't do it, is not something that is for the faint of heart. I cried all day Wednesday. She is doing so well, and I know she has to do this as part of the process, but it is not fun. She hasn't gotten the crazy hunger back yet so that is good, but she has woken up every night because the steroids make her leak in her bed. So, every night we are up changing her sheets. The bright side of this week was that our sweet Kelsey turned 1 yesterday. All of our kids have been really good, but she is truly amazing. Basically half of her life, her sister has been sick and our world has been turned upside down. When we were in the hospital that first week, people just brought her back and forth so she could nurse, and she was always happy and smiling. Now, she is starting to walk on her own and eats all kinds of food and is such a happy girl. I hate that this is all happening and I know it is affecting our other kids too. I'm sure Kelsey doesn't know the difference, but I still feel bad that I can maybe not pay as much attention to her as I should and for the days I'm away from her so much. It is so great to see how happy the kids all are to be together. Braden and Kayla got to go to their friend's birthday party together today and had such a fun time, and when we got home this afternoon, Brooklyn and Kelsey hugged each other tight and Brookie said, "Ohhh my little baby." I know kids are resilient and they will all be fine through this time, but there are definitely some hard days.

Re-induction

Brooklyn did an amazing job today. We went to my parents' yesterday, and logistically it just worked better for us to spend the night so we had a big sleepover! It was so much fun, we went fishing and both Mike and Braden caught fish so that was exciting! We hung out at the house and made s'mores over the fire pit last night. It was a great way to spend our Memorial Day all together. Brooklyn and I left about 7:30 this morning, Mike went to work and the rest of the kids stayed home with my parents. There is a lot of coordinating to do to make these days work and we definitely couldn't do it without help from our family. We got to the surgery center and got all checked in. Brookie was hungry, but I distracted her until it was time to go in. She did great. She fell asleep in my arms, the doctor did her spinal tap & gave her chemo, and she woke up in a good mood. After we left the recovery room, we went to the cafeteria for pancakes. My dad was going to make pancakes for the other kids this morning, so she wanted to be sure to get pancakes too. She was so happy to get one, but didn't finish the whole thing since it was the size of her plate! Then we went over to the infusion room. We got all hooked up there and she wanted me to lay with her to protect her from the bad guys in the scooby doo movie she watched. It was such a nice morning to just be together and snuggle. As we were leaving, I was thinking how amazing God is that He makes each person so unique and different. Have you ever just stopped to watch people walk by when you are out somewhere? They are all so physically different and their personalities are all completely individual too. It is amazing to me that God gave Brooklyn such strength and stamina to be able to endure all that she is going through right now and still be such a happy little girl. I know He has a plan for each of us and He knew she would have to endure this time in her life, so He made her with some extra feisty-ness and strength. She fell asleep in the car on the way back to my parents house, probably from a combination of exhaustion from the morning and yesterday's activities and the drugs she received. I ran a couple errands and then got the kids and drove home only to turn back around and head out for Braden's baseball game. You would never have known that Brooklyn had anything done today the way she was running around with the kids at the field for 2 hours. It is really amazing. When we got home, we had to give her her steroids. However this time, instead of liquid, they gave it to us in pill form. So, she has to take 14 pills a day - 7 in the morning and 7 at night. How many 3 year olds do you know that swallow pills? Right. I mean - do these drug manufacturers and doctors NOT have children? So, Mike crushed 7 pills on a spoon and mixed it with the chocolate protein shake like we did with a different pill she had to take another time and she drank it and immediately threw it up all over the floor. So then, he tried to convince her that she could swallow them - they are pretty small. So, he gave her one and after trying to swallow it, she threw up. I think the taste of them is really bad, like the liquid steroid was too. So then I took 7, cut them in half and tucked them all into some mint chocolate chip ice cream on a spoon and she kept it down. The pills probably crunched like the chocolate chips so she didn't notice them as much and maybe the mint flavor masked the taste. I don't know, but apparently she is going to get ice cream for breakfast and before bed for the next 7 days!! After she took it, she said "Thanks Dad for making me better." Oh my gosh, she is so sweet! I am so thankful for all the research that has been done for Leukemia to almost find a complete cure, and we, of course, want to follow every step to give her the best chance at recovery, but it sure is a lot of medication for such a little person.

Our Little Present

We had a really good week last week. After getting the next schedule of treatment, we just focused on enjoying our week off from medicine. We went to the park a couple times and played outside at home a lot. Although we did have to have some inside days because the weather was so weird again - rainy and freezing one day and then sunny the next. Brooklyn has been feeling great. She loves having Braden around all the time and now Kayla is out of school too so all the monkeys are out for summer! She has a little runny nose and every once in a while she will cough and when I ask her why she's coughing she says it's because she has her special necklace. Braden told her one day that she was sick as long as she had her "special necklace" (her Broviak), so now that is what she says. It's kind of cute but also a little sad, I wish she didn't have it at all. We got to hang out with some friends this week which is always great. It makes me so happy when all the kids are running around and laughing. Braden, Kayla and Brooklyn even went in the pool a couple times. I used the special tape cover to put over her Broviak site and then wrapped some 'press and seal' saran wrap around her whole chest. She thought it was pretty funny and yesterday said, "Me a present!" :) It worked well yesterday though and her dressing didn't get wet at all, so that is good. It stresses me out to have to worry about it getting wet all the time and changing it to avoid infection. We also went to the little Folsom Zoo yesterday. We love going there because it is pretty small so you can get through it quickly but the kids love seeing all the animals. It was a great family day and we loved having some nice weather. Brooklyn's nurse is coming over this morning to check her blood counts and then we are going to my parents house for the day. I love 3 day weekends when we all get to hang out together! Tomorrow she has another spinal tap in the morning and then we go to the infusion room for chemo and tomorrow night start the steroids again. I am praying she feels good through this next round of treatment, because there is a lot. I'm sure she will do great, she is such a little trooper and we are so thankful for the gift she has been in our lives every day.

Up and Down & All Around

Our appointment with the doctor was fine on Monday. He thought Brooklyn was looking good and is still reacting to everything just as she should be. We got the schedule for the next month however and there is a lot more treatment coming up, so we think it is probably not the best time to switch her Broviak to a port. We just don't want to cause her any more pain when she is going to have so much medication that could make her feel bad anyway. We also found out that she has to go back on steroids. It won't be 28 straight days like last time, but it is 7 days on, 7 days off, then 7 days on again. Hopefully, it won't be as bad as last time, the crazy hunger and the 'roid rages, the midnight snacks... they said that just when she'll be ramping up to be that way, we stop them, so hopefully they are right. It may be a little different though because the dosage is higher, so I suppose the side effects could come on sooner than last time. They also said that this next round will probably wipe out the rest of her hair. When we left the appointment, I cried a little. I think it was hard because we had just come back from such a fun weekend with friends and everyone feeling so well and enjoying time together, that to have such a stark dose of reality really sucked. She is right on track with everything and so I know this is just part of the process, but it is difficult because she is looking and feeling so good right now, that to make her take the awful steroids again, and possibly put on weight and be uncomfortable and have new kinds of chemo that could make her feel sick, and to have her hair fall out - is all a lot to take in. I told her last week that some of her medicine might make her hair go away but that she would always be beautiful and she said, "But me a girl, not a boy." I told her she would still be pretty and still be a girl and that we have lots of pretty hats she can wear. Ugh. It is crazy because she already has some new little hairs growing back in from when she lost so much the first time she was on steroids. Seeing a bald kid makes you know they're sick. Right now, you can't even tell anything is wrong with her. I know that she is sick, but I also like to see her feeling so good - just like any normal, healthy kid. Mike reminded me that this is the last big push before we go on maintenance - which means much less chemo and fewer visits to the doctor. It is a good thing because we are moving along at the pace she is supposed to, it just makes me sad to know we are going to make her feel bad again. I made the kids pancakes this morning and I was having flashbacks to when I was making them so often in the beginning. She probably doesn't even remember that - which is a good thing. We have this week off, with no chemo or surgery, so we are enjoying it! We've been playing outside a lot and we went to the park today. It is so much fun to just get out and play with the kids and enjoy their laughter and silly-ness. They had a blast playing on the tire swing this afternoon. This whole experience is kind of like a ride on the tire swing - it not only goes up, down, but side to side and around in circles. It's crazy and you don't know what to expect, but we can always find a way to have fun. I think our appointment reminded me to take the time to enjoy these days with the kids, and not worry about the cleaning and housework as often as I normally would. It will all still be there to do tomorrow. :)

Amazing Friends

Saturday was the Brooklyn Wine Social at the Passalacqua Winery. We were completely a game-time decision Saturday morning on whether we were going to take all the kids or not. Kayla had a fever all day Friday, so the girls and I had to miss Braden's game Friday night, but right before she went to bed, it was gone. Talk about the power of prayer!! However, I was nervous because when I went in to check on Brooklyn at night, she was at about 100, so I didn't know if we would be going to the hospital or what the night would bring. Everyone woke up feeling fine in the morning though so we all got to go! The kids were thrilled! Our good friends from college own the winery, so we've been there before and they always have so much fun running around and playing. We told Brooklyn we were going to a party for her and she was so excited and said, "A party to meeee?" :) We met up with some friends for lunch and had a great afternoon relaxing and catching up. I just found out this morning that apparently the world was supposed to end last night right when the event was beginning. It clearly didn't, and although it wasn't Heaven, I would have to say that the evening was pretty perfect. The weather couldn't have been better and the Passalacquas have such a beautiful setting, and to be surrounded by so many people that came specifically to show us their support was overwhelming. We really want to thank the Zureks and the Passalacquas for all the work they did to put together such a special night for us. My parents and aunt and uncle came along with us, and they all commented on how wonderful it was to have such an amazing group of friends. People traveled from all areas of California, but some also came in from Oregon, Idaho, and Arizona just to let us know that they have been praying for us and wanted to do something to help. We were simply amazed to have such an outpouring of support. We really have been amazed throughout this whole 4 months though. People locally are still making meals for us, people from farther away have sent gift cards and we still get cards and letters in the mail for Brooklyn every week. We also know that so many people continue to pray for Brooklyn and our whole family every day. We feel so blessed to have so many good friends and it is such an amazing thing for our children to see the community of people who care so much for our family. We are meeting with the Oncologist in the morning, and I have a list of questions for him. I am so excited that it is summer time and that we will get to do more stuff all together and be outside more, but everyone else will be doing that too. I need to find out if we can be in public places when they are crowded, if we can go to parks that have water features, if she can go to the dentist...so many questions about stuff that seems so ordinary. I also want to ask about when the best time would be to switch her Broviak to a port. A port is completely under the skin so it would make swimming and showering so much easier and chance of infection would be less as well. The down side is that she has to get poked with a needle every time she has blood drawn or gets chemo. It's hard because we don't want to make the wrong decision, so it will be good to talk to the doctor and find out what the next round of treatment involves and how often she will be getting poked. Thank you all again so much for the support and the prayers, we can see them working every time we look at Brooklyn and see her happy smile.

Uncle

Do you ever have those days or weeks where you just want to say "uncle"? And it's nothing against any of my uncles, because I've got some great ones, it's just an easy expression to use! :) You know - those times when you want to say, "No thank you, I've had enough for this week, please bring your craziness back next week."  We've had one of those weeks. Brooklyn did great Tuesday, she got an increased dose of chemo again, but handled it fine and has seemed to feel good the rest of the week so far; but...because we like to keep things interesting around here, my car broke down Tuesday afternoon. Now, there are several things I am thankful for. One, is that I made it all the way to the dealer and wasn't stuck on the side of the road in the rain, the second is that my wonderful mother had the 3 girls at home, so I only had Braden with me. (Although I did have to drop his friend off after school and at every stop sign when the car would barely start I told the boys they might have to get out and push so they would yell for the car to get going every time - it was pretty funny). I pulled in to the service area and rolled down the window and said, "My car is breaking." After sitting in the waiting room with Braden going over every scenario of how I could use Mike's or my parent's car the next couple days, nothing would work so I had to get a rental. The gal told me she had a mid-level sedan and I gently informed her that that wasn't going to work. I need a car that will fit 5 kids. Soooo, we are rollin' in the mini-van! Braden and I had to take out all the car seats and stuff from our car and transfer it to the minivan and I know the guys in the shop were just cracking up at us. I was so thankful to not have all the kids with me or it would've been much harder. When my mom got there with the girls, they were all so excited to have a van - kids are so funny! When the service guy finally called the next day to tell me it was the transmission and we probably needed a new one, I wasn't as happy. Uncle. I told him that I needed my car back by Friday, so I am hoping to pick it up tomorrow. Oh - and I forgot to mention that I thought I saw a snake coming out of my fireplace into my family room last week. Uncle!! As it turns out, I am pretty sure it was just a lizard, but I still have packing tape covering all of the grates on the fireplace. The idea of anything with scales sneaking around inside my house is not a fun thing for me. And, for some reason, Kayla has a fever again. She was fine all day yesterday and then last night it just hit her, and she had it today as well. It is stressing me out because I am excited for our whole family to go to Napa this weekend and if Kayla is sick, she probably shouldn't go, and if Brooklyn gets it, then one of us may not be able to go because we'll be in the hospital. Ugh! Uncle! But I also know we have so much to be thankful for. When we got home from the car fiasco the other night, the kids and I all started wrestling in the living room. It was hysterical because one of them would always be on top of me and the others would be trying to keep my down. We were all laughing so hard and it was one of those moments that made me so happy to have them all around me - even though they were totally beating me! We also had a fun afternoon yesterday. I went to get my hair done, and my friend Lindsay cut both Brooklyn and Kayla's hair too. They always get so excited to have their hair cut and sit in the big chair, it was so cute. I am also thankful that Braden is out of school tomorrow! I am excited for the summer and the fun things we will get to do all together. We don't have any big trips planned, but it will be so great to just be here and enjoy time off with no homework and no schedule. And hopefully the water will warm up in the pool! :) We are truly so blessed and I know that every day, there are just some days that add a little more excitement to your life than others.